Sugarcoats and Heartbeats
Mon, Aug. 29th, 2011 04:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
allnostalgiaI
Above him hovered grey skies. Walking along the city business central, Jaejoong hisses a string of curses as the first drops of rain fell on the pavement. He makes a run for the bus about to stop at the curb but misses it.
He questions whatever ruling deity was out getting him, what he'd done in his past life to constantly be edging on the worst side of everything.
Yunho drove to university everyday. Contrary to the creativity an art professor was expected to exude, he was serious and intimidating in a very corporate appeal.
His life was a formulated routine, playing in a steady, boring rhythm, but he never complained. He made it that way.
A cup of coffee and an onion bagel was enough breakfast for Jaejoong. He ate as he walked from the drop-off point to his office, hoping he wouldn't stain his clothes.
Today, he was on for a meeting. Rushing between the awful traffic and drizzling. He walks fast down the subway entrance while fixing his umbrella.
Jaejoong finds an empty spot on the train and sits, wishing for the promotion he knew he deserved.
He hopes that today would be unlike any other day.
Yunho was beyond pissed off when he finds his car didn't have enough gas to drive him to class. He was getting late and he had no choice but to commute, slurring damned blames on whatever fucking thing he came across while walking to the nearest station, under an umbrella. He hated the rain, it was too much of a hassle and it ruined his clothes.
He gets into the station and tries to calm himself down by thanking the heavens for water-proof canvas cases. If it wasn't for that stupid convention he was asked to attend to by their department head, he'd stay home and even make his students happy for being absent.
By the end of that supposedly good day, the son of the executive of the board of directors got the position he was vying for. That inexperienced bastard would be groveling in a matter of hours doing what I was supposed to be doing. God damned fuckers, he thinks to himself. Deciding on downing tequila shots in a local blues bar.
He'd brighten up, somehow, there's always something that would make life always better for Yunho. He left the convention, expected to have a series of five murals the next time he meets the endorser who caught sight of him putting up his mosaic oil paintings.
Going downtown to celebrate another opportunity, he enters his favorite bar for happy hour. Beer would always be good company, who cares if he was alone. There was music, anyway.
The bar tender was supposed to be entertaining him, taking his order of a bucket of beer bottles but he instead spots him talking to another customer. "Excuse me," he tries to pry him off the man, who's head was resting on the table, "I'll get beer, please." The bartender apologizes and gets to him quickly, saying things about what that other man was complaining about since he got there, determined to get wasted.
"I sort of just felt bad for him, you know, I think he needs some looking after in that state," the bartender suggests and leaves him alone.
Yunho looks at the new shot of tequila and then at the almost lifeless form a few bar stools away from him. He'd been complaining about rain this morning, he felt stupid when he realizes that this man might've been kicked out or something, or just plain problematic so he gathered up some courage to ask.
"Hey," Yunho sits beside him, waiting for some sort of response. The man slowly raises his head, and the first thing you'd notice would be his blood-shot eyes, glossy and all, obviously holding himself back from tearing up and accepting that he's a failure.
"What do you want?" He could still speak, but as much as possible he didn't want to.
"You see, the bartender can't keep things to himself, told me about you."
"Fucker. You didn't answer my question."
"Can you go home like that? Pretty sure you can't drive without dying," he keeps his composure intact, "Should I introduce myself to you or should I leave?"
"Your choice, its not like I'd make any difference."
"Okay," he reaches a hand out and smiles, "I'm Yunho."
"Hi Yunho." the man says, looking at him with blank eyes.
"What about you?" he asks in disappointment, it was weird that he can't keep the man in cooperation.
"I told you, its not like I'd make a difference."
"Would it hurt to tell me your name?" Yunho eggs on, "I'd keep an eye on you, if you don't mind."
"Why?" He looked a little offended, the alcohol kicking in deeper, "Do I look like I can't handle myself?"
"Well, right now, honestly-"
"Jaejoong, I'm Jaejoong." He takes the hand offered to him, and smirks.
"What brings you here?" Yunho begins, and they talk then on. Jaejoong tells him about his unfortunate career life, while Yunho tries to find the bright side of everything to make him feel better but it was proving difficult.
Jaejoong stops, realizing he was spewing information about himself at a stranger so he asks him back. Yunho feels it wouldn't make the other feel better if he said everything the way Jaejoong did about his misfortunes.
"Well, I'm an art teacher. Teaching kids drawing and stuff. Regular job. Enough to sustain myself." Technically, it wasn't a lie. And it wasn't like they'd meet again, he thought.
The night ends with him sending Jaejoong home in a cab, carrying the drunken man up to his apartment and then leaving when he's asleep.
It was an ugly encounter and he was sure it'd be weird if they met again.
Jaejoong quits his job.
Yunho gets his big break as an artist.
Jaejoong will turn his life around.
Yunho moves along with his routine.
II
With enough bucks in the bunk, Jaejoong kills time around the city, trying to figure out what he wanted to do now. He's had enough of the corporate setting to apply for another nine-to-five job, all the more at a family corporation that uses people's minds but lets them go nowhere.
He goes away from the business district and hops on a round-about bus within the metropolitan area. His eyes started to shine in new hope, a new page that would wind up the spice he needed to change himself, and his life, too.
Time wasn't of the essence, he decides. Wandering off to places he went when he was younger, he began to realize the reasons he had why he wanted to be a writer again. Reveling in nostalgia, craving for his childhood back for a second, thinking of the people who'd left a mark on his young life.
Memories, they were always there and they never change. At times, he had wanted to replay them and change some parts but he wonders if he'd be the same boy who dreamed his dreams if one can change how the past had happened.
That was the same sole reason he wasn't recognized during college. He made mistakes and never regret any of them. He'd grown too attached to writing them down and embedding them in his mind that he forgoes obligations and priorities, but that didn't make him a bad person, it made him only real, only who he was.
Nobody ever told him that when you stuck to that life principle, one day life would get back at you for not going with the currents.
In this getaway, he wanted to turn his life back around.
Relishing in his new found muse, Yunho had gone a couple of days without bathing when he didn't have classes to teach. Covered in turpentine and oils, his skin patched with dark paints and pastels. The heady fumes of turpentine seeming to cover up the smell of sweat.
Square meters of used to be blank canvases have now growing obscure forms of a familiar face in macabre. He recalls bittersweetly, how that beautiful face can't ever look as ugly as the play of fate on its owner.
At night, he counts stars to pass time, trying to dig up sense from this foolishness that he's getting himself into. He had this tiny hope that he's going to see the beautiful man again, and he'd be sober.
He somehow makes it to the cultural district. Sitting outside a boutique hotel cafe, he imprints the unfamiliar refreshing vibe into his head while sipping on espresso. He notes how people seemed to actually have lives in this part of the city, how rejuvenating it was to crowd among people who took their time and not anything for granted.
It wasn't difficult to appreciate things here, and wondering wasn't synonymous to suspecting. You are what you are and people wouldn't take it against you, in fact they'd encourage you. A woman a little younger than he is occupied the table next to his and began small talk, she seemed to be a regular at this cafe he presumed. "You're not from around here, I can tell." Her smile was refreshing, she was a ray of sunshine and he could tell she's a dreamer taking things step by step until she could say touchdown.
"Would you like to sit with me?" He offers, "And yes, I am not from around here. What about you?"
"I work around here," she replies and he nods, not quite knowing what to say next. "So, any big business that brings you here?"
He shakes his head no and a gentle smile grows on his face, quite hesitantly he answers, "I was just wandering around, I quit my job a couple days ago."
"Suckish boss? Family corp?"
He laughs and thinks that he really ain't the only one with such problems, "Yes, yes, exactly. What about you, what do you do?"
"I'm a curator." She proudly says, and Jaejoong wonders how it would've felt to tell someone what you do and love it, "I pick up new artists and put them in big museums, give them their big break. You know, if they deserve it."
Jaejoong stays silent, he's been thinking a lot the whole time and its making him seem rude.
"This feels like deja vu, really." She remarks randomly, uncaring if the boy heard her or not. She gives him complimentary invitations to different exclusive gallery openings to help him loosen up.
He walks to the supplies shop at early evening and unwinds in a relatively empty coffee shop before heading back. There'd always been something about the smell of brewing coffee that made him indulge. It wasn't all healthy but he lived it. Dousing his system with his nightly caffeine fix and staying up till late, just sketching or painting. Even his students had noticed he'd recently been feeling more like an artist than before.
Yunho saunters around his studio and looks at the wall plastered with granite and charcoal sketches on different papers. His attention crawls on them passively and stops on a portrait. Jaejoong. He recalls, bittersweetly holding on to a single memory.
"Holy shit!" Yunho instantly turns his head to the source of the voice in shock, "I knew I've seen him somewhere!"
"What are you doing here this late? Aren't you supposed to be at your studio?" He asks with a hint of annoyance.
"Yunho," the untimely intruder is unabashed, "is he someone you've met before or just someone you've imagined?"
"Who? Sooyoung, can you please knock next time? Or at least not curse when you want to be acknowledged," he exasperatedly replied.
"That sketch over there," The one you were probably staring at a while ago, she wanted to say exactly.
"I saw him once. What's it to you?" He suddenly lost his mood to continue painting for the night.
Jaejoong goes home in the morning, might've just messed up his sleep pattern but it was worth seeing Seoul wake up slowly. And then succumb to slumber with a lighter heart than yesterday.
Yunho drags himself to his kitchen, sleepless, for some reason. Toasts a couple of bread, and stares blankly at the fridge door in the middle of drinking from the milk carton.
A smile crawls on his lips slowly, it'd be nice to see him again, show him what he'd inspired me to do. But it was all too cheesy to last.
He packs up and smokes while he drove to university.
Days pass and Jaejoong skips the first few invitations the lady had given him, what's her name again? He can't seem to remember but her face was too beautifully exotic to forget, he'd recognize her anywhere.
He goes back to that cafe, thinking of attending a gallery opening for the first time.
It was right about half-past ten o'clock on a Saturday when Yunho decides to pack up for the day because he was too tired to pull an all-nighter even with coffee. He doesn't pass it up when he walks by his favorite shop, though, ordering something lighter, say a mocha frappe.
His eyes were quite bloodshot, eye bags darkening and senses a little numb from fatigue. He places his drink on a tabletop and put his head down on the table none too gently as he sat down.
"E-excuse me?" The worried, or was that annoyed, voice and a tap on his shoulder forced his eyes to open and look back at the person he guessed was in front of him. "Never mind, I'll just- yeah, enjoy my table." The person leaves disgruntled.
Yunho slaps his cheeks repeatedly as his eyes followed the form headed for a table near the glass panes of the shop, looking out to the busy sidewalks.
Jaejoong waves a hand at her and she enthusiastically approaches her new acquaintance, "I'm sorry, I kind of had to guess who you were through these invitations." He admitted, "I'm Jaejoong, by the way."
"That's alright," she sat down across from him and called a waiter, "So, decided on going to any of them?"
"I actually haven't- I mean, I didn't want to go alone. Well, I don't want to go alone the first time, so…" He played with the coffee mug in front of him as his sentence drifted into the sun-lit cafe.
The waiter arrives hurriedly and takes her orders of a Waffle Platter and Strawberries and Cream Frappe. "Do you want to go today?" Her eyes were always so bright and curious, sometimes it can get a little intimidating, but still he nods and says its okay.
Her order arrives a few more conversations later and they stay relatively quiet. Jaejoong doesn't feel too comfortable, really, and it was awkward to watch someone eat. His eyes dart around the cafe and hums a tune to himself. "Are you looking for someone?" She asks. "No, why?" he replies and she simply shrugs, looking around too.
Yunho spent a couple of days away from the studio to refresh himself. Somehow, the pressure of holding his first solo exhibit was beginning to sink in and the memory of that person he'd met at the bar was fading at the edges. There was this growing want in his heart to see him again, but he felt like he didn't have a chance at that.
He wanders along different galleries and specialty shops. Thoughts and concepts were mixing in his head, maybe its working. He needed to go further, somewhere where that box of cliched ideas was all but obscure.
His phone rings at sunset, he didn't want to answer but he had to. What are you not doing here? She says, if you're out refreshing yourself, you should've told me. If not, it'll seem like you're just slacking off. Besides, I brought someone here you should meet.
With a deep sigh he begins to walk the long route back to the studio.
Weird. Jaejoong thinks to himself. He stops walking around and settles in front of an unfinished painting. Its been a half hour of waiting in there. "Sooyoung," she wasn't one for honorifics, he'd been quite scolded for it earlier, "what are we doing here? I'm getting bored."
"I just have a few things to clear up with this artist, he's going to be presenting these murals in two months and he's not even thirty percent done yet." She looks around, although there wasn't any show of disappointment on her face. He's doing really good.
"But why do I have to be here?" Jaejoong rocks on his spot on the floor, waiting for an answer she never gave.
All the lights were on when he entered his studio, he had to turn off some of them. "What is wrong with you? Why'd you put on every light in here? Ever heard of Global Wa-" As soon as he turns on his heel to face her, it wasn't exactly her he greets with annoyance. "Jaejoong?"
"Wha- How do you know my name?" He stands up, "Sooyoung, who is he exactly?" Jaejoong asks her while pointing at Yunho.
"You said, you've met him once!" Sooyoung pointedly raises as Yunho opens his mouth on defense.
"Wait, I've seen him somewhere." Jaejoong interrupts and thinks for a while. Yunho was hopeful and Sooyoung was quite anticipating where, "Yah! You sat on my table in the cafe a couple of days ago!"
Yunho crumbles to the floor and Sooyoung instantly laughs, "That wasn't even it. I guess, he was far too shit drunk to remember this face."
Jaejoong waves them off and makes for an exit, trying to put together a puzzle in which he was the missing piece.
III
Sooyoung met Jaejoong by chance at a shopping mall and being the rational person he was, he let her explain when she asked for a chance.
It was pretty funny, to her at least.
"I never got to thank him."
"Well, now you can." She readily pulls out an unnamed invitation and hands it to him, "That's in a couple of weeks. Please, don't miss it?"
He'd gone as far as realizing how much it would've offended Yunho when he freaked out on him. They were as human as they can get, nobody can blame anyone. A proper apology and introduction would be nice, he thinks, hoping it was also enough compromise with Sooyoung as well.
A reminder of that day was the last thing he needed. He'd like to think that meeting these new people had to bring him something new, or somewhere, rather. None of it was meant to be just that and pointless.
He gathers enough courage to reread every single thing he'd written since college and create a decent portfolio. This time he won't settle, this time he'd strive to get to where he wanted to be, and be on the right track. He had wandered enough and had probably wasted so much time as well.
Yunho spends a little more time on the fourth artwork. A working favorite, maybe. That piece he doesn't really want to sell because it holds a sentiment. And maybe the next artwork would have that same value to him, too. He'd learn to separate these matters in due time.
Sooyoung had once told him it was fine to pour himself into them. Of course, it was. If it was where he drew inspiration from, then who would dare disagree. The only thing was that there was an unending battle between expectations and self-satisfaction.
Not everything an artist does is appealing to his audience. Not everyone understands that.
A couple of weeks had passed, Jaejoong had sent out his resume along with his portfolio to several companies. It didn't matter to him much if he had to start writing about entertainment and depthless issues, what he yearned for was to work his way up as long as he was able to do what he was most passionate about.
His heart told him he was beginning to be happy despite discontentment. And ever since he'd left his previous shit hole, his life seemed brighter. He guessed it really was a choice to keep bearing with life or turn it around. Maybe he had that man from the bar to thank, too, he didn't remember his face exactly but he had caught on some words he'd said that night.
The brighter side of things are always more worth looking at than drowning yourself in your own misery. There's always room and time for change, some people just choose to hold themselves back because they're threatened by the thought of more misfortunes.
He owes Yunho a lot.
He signed the final artwork done on a gloomy Sunday dusk, a couple of days before his midweek mainstream debut into Seoul's art industry. He was beginning to feel the unnerving rush in his veins when the critiques flew in on the eve of his exhibit opening. He hasn't read any of them, not yet. Maybe tomorrow when he can't feel anything like the whole event was surreal.
Sooyoung had congratulated him first along with the half-meant teasing of 'Are you in love with him or something?' because his paintings seemed to have more emotion in them than the endorsers have expected, of course they'd say it in more professional terms, but that's what it translates to.
Did he have to know if he was or he wasn't in love? All that mattered to him was that he can understand where Jaejoong was coming from and that he could prove to him that he had made a difference. That he shouldn't think so little about himself.
"Yah, Jaejoong, don't you dare bring a date!" she warned, Jaejoong simply laughed as he replied, "Its not like I have anyone to bring." And he shakes his head as he hears Sooyoung's words through the phone, "That's good, very good. Because I wouldn't let you in even you have my invitation if you bring extra company." She laughs, the troublemaker in Sooyoung easily shines through when they talk, it was funny, like finding a little sister who knows him a little too well than he knows himself.
He got off the bus and entered a lavish building with interiors that seemed to speak of enigmatic class and taste, it was a little intimidating but he absorbed the energy instead. It was refreshing, far from the usual corporate set-ups he'd previously gone too for job interviews.
"Kim Jaejoong-sshi, HR wants to see you now." His new hope rises when he enters the room. The panel looked challenging, yet young and open-minded. He figures he just had to be himself to make a mark. There was no room for pretense and making false impressions.
It was the opportunity he'd been waiting for.
The night began and as much as Yunho was used to speaking in front of people, students were still far off less pressuring than strangers he can't read at first glance. Sooyoung had given him a heads up on who were the big shots that would come see him tonight and it made him hold on firmly to composure rather than enjoy his break.
He didn't expect much people and it was overwhelming. It helped him ease the part of him that was waiting for his muse to come around.
He was clad in fashionable casual clothes today and he looked more striking than usual. When he arrived at the gallery, he had shamelessly asked for one of the ushers to call for the curator.
"You look dashing," she says when she spots him entertaining himself with his own feet. He looks up and walks towards her, "But why are you late? Come on, I can see it in his face, he's waiting for you." She says as she grabs his wrist and walks him up near the little podium.
They see Yunho talking uninterestedly with two guests, "Walk up to him and save him. He doesn't like talking about his works." She slightly pushes him and whispers an encouragement.
"Ah, Jaejoong!" Yunho instantly diverts his attention distractedly, "I'm sorry, my friend just arrived, I'll get back to you…"
"Hi." He notices how small he is right next to him, he can't look up at him and say everything he had practiced in his head, "I'm sorry about last time. And thank you, for a lot of things. Most of them, words of encouragement. And if my thanks aren't enough, I thought I should tell you that I came from a job interview before going here. And its all thanks to you. And Sooyung, too… Maybe." They laugh at that bit, with a settling feeling of comfort.
"I don't know how to say this in a way that won't make me seem so strung up on you so I'll just say it like it is." He explains casually, "When you said you wouldn't make a difference, I initially thought, 'oh well, okay, if you say so', but then you told me about what your life was like and I realized how much I wanted to understand what you were going through. Partly because you're actually attractive and partly because I thought you needed a friend to be there without judgments." Jaejoong chuckles at the bluntness of his confession and it was pretty surprising how he didn't find it awkward.
He walks Jaejoong around the venue, looking at hs works, "I took all I can from that one meeting, I'm sorry for being all stalker-ish and sketching you based on memory but it was all I could do to imprint that on something that wouldn't disappear. Halfway through all this, that night was fading away and then my meddlesome curator actually found you." He looks at him and sees him smile.
"It kind of brought me down, honestly, when you didn't remember who I was. Although I'd expected it, because you passed out in the cab ride when I took you home, you almost made it home awake. Oh, and I'm sorry for barging in that night, too." If he didn't know any better he'd take his words out of context and feel all tingly, it was unusual how someone can talk without choosing the right words to express them with.
"So, here's all that I came up with because of you. And I figured it is for you too." He gestures his arms around. Weird how he's nervous about what he thinks about all of it, he can't even see that hint of amazement in the other's eyes.
"Any chance you're in love with each other yet?" Sooyoung comes up behind them with a mischievous smile, "I'm just kidding, Yunho, loosen up!" Jaejoong and Sooyoung actually found it funny, funnier how Yunho seemed to not have any fun in those emotions. "Excuse me, while I run for my life." She says before actually running through the crowd.
"Is she always that hyped up? She seems composed whenever we meet." Jaejoong asks randomly.
"No, she's only like that when she wants to prove her theories." She started it already, it wouldn't hurt to drop his own hints, won't it?
"You mean, she thinks we should-" He stands still, his finger alternately pointing at Yunho and himself when he figures what Sooyoung and Yunho were trying to say.
"Yes, that exactly. She's kind of foolish when it comes to that." Yunho breathes out, walking towards the gallery door, "So far, she always right, though." He says, looking into Jaejoong's wondering eyes.
Note: Thought I had the right to write something today. Since I'm done with two three plates out of four to be passed next week. Although I still have a lot for the whole month. Needed a break, so here it is.
Above him hovered grey skies. Walking along the city business central, Jaejoong hisses a string of curses as the first drops of rain fell on the pavement. He makes a run for the bus about to stop at the curb but misses it.
He questions whatever ruling deity was out getting him, what he'd done in his past life to constantly be edging on the worst side of everything.
Yunho drove to university everyday. Contrary to the creativity an art professor was expected to exude, he was serious and intimidating in a very corporate appeal.
His life was a formulated routine, playing in a steady, boring rhythm, but he never complained. He made it that way.
A cup of coffee and an onion bagel was enough breakfast for Jaejoong. He ate as he walked from the drop-off point to his office, hoping he wouldn't stain his clothes.
Today, he was on for a meeting. Rushing between the awful traffic and drizzling. He walks fast down the subway entrance while fixing his umbrella.
Jaejoong finds an empty spot on the train and sits, wishing for the promotion he knew he deserved.
He hopes that today would be unlike any other day.
Yunho was beyond pissed off when he finds his car didn't have enough gas to drive him to class. He was getting late and he had no choice but to commute, slurring damned blames on whatever fucking thing he came across while walking to the nearest station, under an umbrella. He hated the rain, it was too much of a hassle and it ruined his clothes.
He gets into the station and tries to calm himself down by thanking the heavens for water-proof canvas cases. If it wasn't for that stupid convention he was asked to attend to by their department head, he'd stay home and even make his students happy for being absent.
By the end of that supposedly good day, the son of the executive of the board of directors got the position he was vying for. That inexperienced bastard would be groveling in a matter of hours doing what I was supposed to be doing. God damned fuckers, he thinks to himself. Deciding on downing tequila shots in a local blues bar.
He'd brighten up, somehow, there's always something that would make life always better for Yunho. He left the convention, expected to have a series of five murals the next time he meets the endorser who caught sight of him putting up his mosaic oil paintings.
Going downtown to celebrate another opportunity, he enters his favorite bar for happy hour. Beer would always be good company, who cares if he was alone. There was music, anyway.
The bar tender was supposed to be entertaining him, taking his order of a bucket of beer bottles but he instead spots him talking to another customer. "Excuse me," he tries to pry him off the man, who's head was resting on the table, "I'll get beer, please." The bartender apologizes and gets to him quickly, saying things about what that other man was complaining about since he got there, determined to get wasted.
"I sort of just felt bad for him, you know, I think he needs some looking after in that state," the bartender suggests and leaves him alone.
Yunho looks at the new shot of tequila and then at the almost lifeless form a few bar stools away from him. He'd been complaining about rain this morning, he felt stupid when he realizes that this man might've been kicked out or something, or just plain problematic so he gathered up some courage to ask.
"Hey," Yunho sits beside him, waiting for some sort of response. The man slowly raises his head, and the first thing you'd notice would be his blood-shot eyes, glossy and all, obviously holding himself back from tearing up and accepting that he's a failure.
"What do you want?" He could still speak, but as much as possible he didn't want to.
"You see, the bartender can't keep things to himself, told me about you."
"Fucker. You didn't answer my question."
"Can you go home like that? Pretty sure you can't drive without dying," he keeps his composure intact, "Should I introduce myself to you or should I leave?"
"Your choice, its not like I'd make any difference."
"Okay," he reaches a hand out and smiles, "I'm Yunho."
"Hi Yunho." the man says, looking at him with blank eyes.
"What about you?" he asks in disappointment, it was weird that he can't keep the man in cooperation.
"I told you, its not like I'd make a difference."
"Would it hurt to tell me your name?" Yunho eggs on, "I'd keep an eye on you, if you don't mind."
"Why?" He looked a little offended, the alcohol kicking in deeper, "Do I look like I can't handle myself?"
"Well, right now, honestly-"
"Jaejoong, I'm Jaejoong." He takes the hand offered to him, and smirks.
"What brings you here?" Yunho begins, and they talk then on. Jaejoong tells him about his unfortunate career life, while Yunho tries to find the bright side of everything to make him feel better but it was proving difficult.
Jaejoong stops, realizing he was spewing information about himself at a stranger so he asks him back. Yunho feels it wouldn't make the other feel better if he said everything the way Jaejoong did about his misfortunes.
"Well, I'm an art teacher. Teaching kids drawing and stuff. Regular job. Enough to sustain myself." Technically, it wasn't a lie. And it wasn't like they'd meet again, he thought.
The night ends with him sending Jaejoong home in a cab, carrying the drunken man up to his apartment and then leaving when he's asleep.
It was an ugly encounter and he was sure it'd be weird if they met again.
Jaejoong quits his job.
Yunho gets his big break as an artist.
Jaejoong will turn his life around.
Yunho moves along with his routine.
II
With enough bucks in the bunk, Jaejoong kills time around the city, trying to figure out what he wanted to do now. He's had enough of the corporate setting to apply for another nine-to-five job, all the more at a family corporation that uses people's minds but lets them go nowhere.
He goes away from the business district and hops on a round-about bus within the metropolitan area. His eyes started to shine in new hope, a new page that would wind up the spice he needed to change himself, and his life, too.
Time wasn't of the essence, he decides. Wandering off to places he went when he was younger, he began to realize the reasons he had why he wanted to be a writer again. Reveling in nostalgia, craving for his childhood back for a second, thinking of the people who'd left a mark on his young life.
Memories, they were always there and they never change. At times, he had wanted to replay them and change some parts but he wonders if he'd be the same boy who dreamed his dreams if one can change how the past had happened.
That was the same sole reason he wasn't recognized during college. He made mistakes and never regret any of them. He'd grown too attached to writing them down and embedding them in his mind that he forgoes obligations and priorities, but that didn't make him a bad person, it made him only real, only who he was.
Nobody ever told him that when you stuck to that life principle, one day life would get back at you for not going with the currents.
In this getaway, he wanted to turn his life back around.
Relishing in his new found muse, Yunho had gone a couple of days without bathing when he didn't have classes to teach. Covered in turpentine and oils, his skin patched with dark paints and pastels. The heady fumes of turpentine seeming to cover up the smell of sweat.
Square meters of used to be blank canvases have now growing obscure forms of a familiar face in macabre. He recalls bittersweetly, how that beautiful face can't ever look as ugly as the play of fate on its owner.
At night, he counts stars to pass time, trying to dig up sense from this foolishness that he's getting himself into. He had this tiny hope that he's going to see the beautiful man again, and he'd be sober.
He somehow makes it to the cultural district. Sitting outside a boutique hotel cafe, he imprints the unfamiliar refreshing vibe into his head while sipping on espresso. He notes how people seemed to actually have lives in this part of the city, how rejuvenating it was to crowd among people who took their time and not anything for granted.
It wasn't difficult to appreciate things here, and wondering wasn't synonymous to suspecting. You are what you are and people wouldn't take it against you, in fact they'd encourage you. A woman a little younger than he is occupied the table next to his and began small talk, she seemed to be a regular at this cafe he presumed. "You're not from around here, I can tell." Her smile was refreshing, she was a ray of sunshine and he could tell she's a dreamer taking things step by step until she could say touchdown.
"Would you like to sit with me?" He offers, "And yes, I am not from around here. What about you?"
"I work around here," she replies and he nods, not quite knowing what to say next. "So, any big business that brings you here?"
He shakes his head no and a gentle smile grows on his face, quite hesitantly he answers, "I was just wandering around, I quit my job a couple days ago."
"Suckish boss? Family corp?"
He laughs and thinks that he really ain't the only one with such problems, "Yes, yes, exactly. What about you, what do you do?"
"I'm a curator." She proudly says, and Jaejoong wonders how it would've felt to tell someone what you do and love it, "I pick up new artists and put them in big museums, give them their big break. You know, if they deserve it."
Jaejoong stays silent, he's been thinking a lot the whole time and its making him seem rude.
"This feels like deja vu, really." She remarks randomly, uncaring if the boy heard her or not. She gives him complimentary invitations to different exclusive gallery openings to help him loosen up.
He walks to the supplies shop at early evening and unwinds in a relatively empty coffee shop before heading back. There'd always been something about the smell of brewing coffee that made him indulge. It wasn't all healthy but he lived it. Dousing his system with his nightly caffeine fix and staying up till late, just sketching or painting. Even his students had noticed he'd recently been feeling more like an artist than before.
Yunho saunters around his studio and looks at the wall plastered with granite and charcoal sketches on different papers. His attention crawls on them passively and stops on a portrait. Jaejoong. He recalls, bittersweetly holding on to a single memory.
"Holy shit!" Yunho instantly turns his head to the source of the voice in shock, "I knew I've seen him somewhere!"
"What are you doing here this late? Aren't you supposed to be at your studio?" He asks with a hint of annoyance.
"Yunho," the untimely intruder is unabashed, "is he someone you've met before or just someone you've imagined?"
"Who? Sooyoung, can you please knock next time? Or at least not curse when you want to be acknowledged," he exasperatedly replied.
"That sketch over there," The one you were probably staring at a while ago, she wanted to say exactly.
"I saw him once. What's it to you?" He suddenly lost his mood to continue painting for the night.
Jaejoong goes home in the morning, might've just messed up his sleep pattern but it was worth seeing Seoul wake up slowly. And then succumb to slumber with a lighter heart than yesterday.
Yunho drags himself to his kitchen, sleepless, for some reason. Toasts a couple of bread, and stares blankly at the fridge door in the middle of drinking from the milk carton.
A smile crawls on his lips slowly, it'd be nice to see him again, show him what he'd inspired me to do. But it was all too cheesy to last.
He packs up and smokes while he drove to university.
Days pass and Jaejoong skips the first few invitations the lady had given him, what's her name again? He can't seem to remember but her face was too beautifully exotic to forget, he'd recognize her anywhere.
He goes back to that cafe, thinking of attending a gallery opening for the first time.
It was right about half-past ten o'clock on a Saturday when Yunho decides to pack up for the day because he was too tired to pull an all-nighter even with coffee. He doesn't pass it up when he walks by his favorite shop, though, ordering something lighter, say a mocha frappe.
His eyes were quite bloodshot, eye bags darkening and senses a little numb from fatigue. He places his drink on a tabletop and put his head down on the table none too gently as he sat down.
"E-excuse me?" The worried, or was that annoyed, voice and a tap on his shoulder forced his eyes to open and look back at the person he guessed was in front of him. "Never mind, I'll just- yeah, enjoy my table." The person leaves disgruntled.
Yunho slaps his cheeks repeatedly as his eyes followed the form headed for a table near the glass panes of the shop, looking out to the busy sidewalks.
Jaejoong waves a hand at her and she enthusiastically approaches her new acquaintance, "I'm sorry, I kind of had to guess who you were through these invitations." He admitted, "I'm Jaejoong, by the way."
"That's alright," she sat down across from him and called a waiter, "So, decided on going to any of them?"
"I actually haven't- I mean, I didn't want to go alone. Well, I don't want to go alone the first time, so…" He played with the coffee mug in front of him as his sentence drifted into the sun-lit cafe.
The waiter arrives hurriedly and takes her orders of a Waffle Platter and Strawberries and Cream Frappe. "Do you want to go today?" Her eyes were always so bright and curious, sometimes it can get a little intimidating, but still he nods and says its okay.
Her order arrives a few more conversations later and they stay relatively quiet. Jaejoong doesn't feel too comfortable, really, and it was awkward to watch someone eat. His eyes dart around the cafe and hums a tune to himself. "Are you looking for someone?" She asks. "No, why?" he replies and she simply shrugs, looking around too.
Yunho spent a couple of days away from the studio to refresh himself. Somehow, the pressure of holding his first solo exhibit was beginning to sink in and the memory of that person he'd met at the bar was fading at the edges. There was this growing want in his heart to see him again, but he felt like he didn't have a chance at that.
He wanders along different galleries and specialty shops. Thoughts and concepts were mixing in his head, maybe its working. He needed to go further, somewhere where that box of cliched ideas was all but obscure.
His phone rings at sunset, he didn't want to answer but he had to. What are you not doing here? She says, if you're out refreshing yourself, you should've told me. If not, it'll seem like you're just slacking off. Besides, I brought someone here you should meet.
With a deep sigh he begins to walk the long route back to the studio.
Weird. Jaejoong thinks to himself. He stops walking around and settles in front of an unfinished painting. Its been a half hour of waiting in there. "Sooyoung," she wasn't one for honorifics, he'd been quite scolded for it earlier, "what are we doing here? I'm getting bored."
"I just have a few things to clear up with this artist, he's going to be presenting these murals in two months and he's not even thirty percent done yet." She looks around, although there wasn't any show of disappointment on her face. He's doing really good.
"But why do I have to be here?" Jaejoong rocks on his spot on the floor, waiting for an answer she never gave.
All the lights were on when he entered his studio, he had to turn off some of them. "What is wrong with you? Why'd you put on every light in here? Ever heard of Global Wa-" As soon as he turns on his heel to face her, it wasn't exactly her he greets with annoyance. "Jaejoong?"
"Wha- How do you know my name?" He stands up, "Sooyoung, who is he exactly?" Jaejoong asks her while pointing at Yunho.
"You said, you've met him once!" Sooyoung pointedly raises as Yunho opens his mouth on defense.
"Wait, I've seen him somewhere." Jaejoong interrupts and thinks for a while. Yunho was hopeful and Sooyoung was quite anticipating where, "Yah! You sat on my table in the cafe a couple of days ago!"
Yunho crumbles to the floor and Sooyoung instantly laughs, "That wasn't even it. I guess, he was far too shit drunk to remember this face."
Jaejoong waves them off and makes for an exit, trying to put together a puzzle in which he was the missing piece.
III
Sooyoung met Jaejoong by chance at a shopping mall and being the rational person he was, he let her explain when she asked for a chance.
It was pretty funny, to her at least.
"I never got to thank him."
"Well, now you can." She readily pulls out an unnamed invitation and hands it to him, "That's in a couple of weeks. Please, don't miss it?"
He'd gone as far as realizing how much it would've offended Yunho when he freaked out on him. They were as human as they can get, nobody can blame anyone. A proper apology and introduction would be nice, he thinks, hoping it was also enough compromise with Sooyoung as well.
A reminder of that day was the last thing he needed. He'd like to think that meeting these new people had to bring him something new, or somewhere, rather. None of it was meant to be just that and pointless.
He gathers enough courage to reread every single thing he'd written since college and create a decent portfolio. This time he won't settle, this time he'd strive to get to where he wanted to be, and be on the right track. He had wandered enough and had probably wasted so much time as well.
Yunho spends a little more time on the fourth artwork. A working favorite, maybe. That piece he doesn't really want to sell because it holds a sentiment. And maybe the next artwork would have that same value to him, too. He'd learn to separate these matters in due time.
Sooyoung had once told him it was fine to pour himself into them. Of course, it was. If it was where he drew inspiration from, then who would dare disagree. The only thing was that there was an unending battle between expectations and self-satisfaction.
Not everything an artist does is appealing to his audience. Not everyone understands that.
A couple of weeks had passed, Jaejoong had sent out his resume along with his portfolio to several companies. It didn't matter to him much if he had to start writing about entertainment and depthless issues, what he yearned for was to work his way up as long as he was able to do what he was most passionate about.
His heart told him he was beginning to be happy despite discontentment. And ever since he'd left his previous shit hole, his life seemed brighter. He guessed it really was a choice to keep bearing with life or turn it around. Maybe he had that man from the bar to thank, too, he didn't remember his face exactly but he had caught on some words he'd said that night.
The brighter side of things are always more worth looking at than drowning yourself in your own misery. There's always room and time for change, some people just choose to hold themselves back because they're threatened by the thought of more misfortunes.
He owes Yunho a lot.
He signed the final artwork done on a gloomy Sunday dusk, a couple of days before his midweek mainstream debut into Seoul's art industry. He was beginning to feel the unnerving rush in his veins when the critiques flew in on the eve of his exhibit opening. He hasn't read any of them, not yet. Maybe tomorrow when he can't feel anything like the whole event was surreal.
Sooyoung had congratulated him first along with the half-meant teasing of 'Are you in love with him or something?' because his paintings seemed to have more emotion in them than the endorsers have expected, of course they'd say it in more professional terms, but that's what it translates to.
Did he have to know if he was or he wasn't in love? All that mattered to him was that he can understand where Jaejoong was coming from and that he could prove to him that he had made a difference. That he shouldn't think so little about himself.
"Yah, Jaejoong, don't you dare bring a date!" she warned, Jaejoong simply laughed as he replied, "Its not like I have anyone to bring." And he shakes his head as he hears Sooyoung's words through the phone, "That's good, very good. Because I wouldn't let you in even you have my invitation if you bring extra company." She laughs, the troublemaker in Sooyoung easily shines through when they talk, it was funny, like finding a little sister who knows him a little too well than he knows himself.
He got off the bus and entered a lavish building with interiors that seemed to speak of enigmatic class and taste, it was a little intimidating but he absorbed the energy instead. It was refreshing, far from the usual corporate set-ups he'd previously gone too for job interviews.
"Kim Jaejoong-sshi, HR wants to see you now." His new hope rises when he enters the room. The panel looked challenging, yet young and open-minded. He figures he just had to be himself to make a mark. There was no room for pretense and making false impressions.
It was the opportunity he'd been waiting for.
The night began and as much as Yunho was used to speaking in front of people, students were still far off less pressuring than strangers he can't read at first glance. Sooyoung had given him a heads up on who were the big shots that would come see him tonight and it made him hold on firmly to composure rather than enjoy his break.
He didn't expect much people and it was overwhelming. It helped him ease the part of him that was waiting for his muse to come around.
He was clad in fashionable casual clothes today and he looked more striking than usual. When he arrived at the gallery, he had shamelessly asked for one of the ushers to call for the curator.
"You look dashing," she says when she spots him entertaining himself with his own feet. He looks up and walks towards her, "But why are you late? Come on, I can see it in his face, he's waiting for you." She says as she grabs his wrist and walks him up near the little podium.
They see Yunho talking uninterestedly with two guests, "Walk up to him and save him. He doesn't like talking about his works." She slightly pushes him and whispers an encouragement.
"Ah, Jaejoong!" Yunho instantly diverts his attention distractedly, "I'm sorry, my friend just arrived, I'll get back to you…"
"Hi." He notices how small he is right next to him, he can't look up at him and say everything he had practiced in his head, "I'm sorry about last time. And thank you, for a lot of things. Most of them, words of encouragement. And if my thanks aren't enough, I thought I should tell you that I came from a job interview before going here. And its all thanks to you. And Sooyung, too… Maybe." They laugh at that bit, with a settling feeling of comfort.
"I don't know how to say this in a way that won't make me seem so strung up on you so I'll just say it like it is." He explains casually, "When you said you wouldn't make a difference, I initially thought, 'oh well, okay, if you say so', but then you told me about what your life was like and I realized how much I wanted to understand what you were going through. Partly because you're actually attractive and partly because I thought you needed a friend to be there without judgments." Jaejoong chuckles at the bluntness of his confession and it was pretty surprising how he didn't find it awkward.
He walks Jaejoong around the venue, looking at hs works, "I took all I can from that one meeting, I'm sorry for being all stalker-ish and sketching you based on memory but it was all I could do to imprint that on something that wouldn't disappear. Halfway through all this, that night was fading away and then my meddlesome curator actually found you." He looks at him and sees him smile.
"It kind of brought me down, honestly, when you didn't remember who I was. Although I'd expected it, because you passed out in the cab ride when I took you home, you almost made it home awake. Oh, and I'm sorry for barging in that night, too." If he didn't know any better he'd take his words out of context and feel all tingly, it was unusual how someone can talk without choosing the right words to express them with.
"So, here's all that I came up with because of you. And I figured it is for you too." He gestures his arms around. Weird how he's nervous about what he thinks about all of it, he can't even see that hint of amazement in the other's eyes.
"Any chance you're in love with each other yet?" Sooyoung comes up behind them with a mischievous smile, "I'm just kidding, Yunho, loosen up!" Jaejoong and Sooyoung actually found it funny, funnier how Yunho seemed to not have any fun in those emotions. "Excuse me, while I run for my life." She says before actually running through the crowd.
"Is she always that hyped up? She seems composed whenever we meet." Jaejoong asks randomly.
"No, she's only like that when she wants to prove her theories." She started it already, it wouldn't hurt to drop his own hints, won't it?
"You mean, she thinks we should-" He stands still, his finger alternately pointing at Yunho and himself when he figures what Sooyoung and Yunho were trying to say.
"Yes, that exactly. She's kind of foolish when it comes to that." Yunho breathes out, walking towards the gallery door, "So far, she always right, though." He says, looking into Jaejoong's wondering eyes.
Note: Thought I had the right to write something today. Since I'm done with two three plates out of four to be passed next week. Although I still have a lot for the whole month. Needed a break, so here it is.
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no subject
Date: 2011-08-29 10:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-29 10:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-29 11:35 am (UTC)It was pretty much a combination of a lot of things that I love - descriptions of city life, a relaxed storytelling pace, mentions of rain, the effect strangers can have on people, and Yunjae of course.
Not everything an artist does is appealing to his audience. Not everyone understands that.
I also loved that line completely, and if I weren't as lazy as I am, I'd make a list of all the lines that struck me. XD
Thank you for writing this. ♥
no subject
Date: 2011-08-29 02:10 pm (UTC)That's one of my daily sentiments and frustrations.
If it wasn't for Yunjae, I would never have tried writing... But thank you for reading. :) ♥
no subject
Date: 2011-08-29 04:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-30 11:23 am (UTC)Cute Jae is so squishingly cute.
Sorry, I'm not one of those with awesome comments. 8D
no subject
Date: 2011-08-30 01:55 pm (UTC)