Never Grow Up
Wed, May. 18th, 2011 01:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
allnostalgiaChangmin walked out of the house, to his car. He thought he should visit his father more often. Like how it used to be when he just began calling his own shots. He’s got all he deserved to achieve but still, nothing compares when you live under your parents’ roof. Love constantly floating in every corner, far too easily overpowering the petty misunderstandings and struggles, specially when you’re growing up faster than they want you to.
Every time Changmin leaves after his occasional visits, Jaejoong engraves in his mind how his son’s changed. He didn’t know how much he had done to deserve a grateful son who never forgets who raised him independently and is giving back every hour’s worth of time together.
It was the first time Changmin brought a girl home and quite shyly introduced to him. The young lady was tall, poised just enough, quite snarky and elegantly beautiful and simple. Also, she had that remarkable appetite for a girl who should be watching her weight and figure like others of her age.
They pretty much didn’t need to be figured out. Every angle of them exuded how meant they are for each other. Jaejoong saw that, felt it and his heart was fluttering out of happiness that his son has what he never did. A peaceful love that’d always be by right.
In the back of all this was also a tinge of pain, he wasn’t ready to let him go on his own yet like that. Just not yet. The foolish idea of making them live in this same apartment where Changmin grew up was tempting, but he knew better than to force that idea on his son. He was the one who gave him his freedom in the first place.
He watched as his only son walked down from the stage as he finished his speech. Graduating from college was one thing but being top of the class was another. His pride could skyrocket any moment but he doesn’t let it get to his head, raising such a kid was a miracle and not his work alone. He couldn’t ask for more.
Changmin was always thankful for the father he had. They weren’t biologically related but it was far better than the relationship he had with his real parents; which was nothing. His gratitude towards the man was always high up and he’d always use every opportunity to make him proud and not regret adopting him.
He had everything and yet his heart was scared. Scared that he’ll lose them all in a snap so he made sure it would be impossible. He made sure that Jaejoong was always happy. He deserved it. He thought his life has had enough drama already.
Senior year in high school was crucial. His friends all knew what they wanted to be when they grow up, and yet, he didn’t. Changmin decided he can always ask his father and so he did.
“That’s something you should decide on, Min. You may be my son but that’s your own life in your hands. I can’t be in control all the time even if I wanted to. Learn to make decisions, I know you’ll make the right ones.”
He learned that things really do change. If this was what growing up was about then he’d rather stay young forever. Stay happy and just be the little kid his father secretly wanted him to be so he can always take care of him.
It was impossible, he knew that. And the reason his dad could trust him to make those decisions is because he’s smart enough to. He can figure things out himself. And so he decided he’d be a writer.
His father’s a good one. He’s read the random ramblings Jaejoong wrote on random notepads around the house. He might as well be the greatest influence he could ever be closest to.
To live the dream his father dreamed sounded good to him.
Jaejoong had just come home from work. Changmin rushed from the garden in the backyard to welcome his tired dad. The smile, mismatched eyes and that “What’s for dinner?” while he looked up and hugged his father’s torso excitedly, it could take away an kind of stress Jaejoong carried that day.
Changmin would always do easy home works beforehand so he had more time to play games with his dad and finish the rest after dinner.
He doesn’t know why it was easy to ask for things from him, he’d always hear his classmates complaining about how their parents never allowed them to play or watch the telly before homework, neither the way they’d talk about them as if they were the most evil people on earth. He can’t say, wasn’t it good enough that they were kept and raised by their parents?
Changmin got out of class crying one afternoon. Rubbing his eyes furiously, he went straight to the waiting area where his dad always fetched him. Trying to stop hiccupping so he could speak. His dad held his hand and pat his head, just waited until the boy would explain why he’d shed tears so violently like that.
His classmates had made fun of him for being adopted.
It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t something wrong, at least to him. It wasn’t his fault. But why was he affected so?
Changmin told him he was scared. What if one day he went out and he wasn’t there to pick him up anymore? What if he grew up and he didn’t want him to? What if he couldn’t make him proud? What if he gets tired and decides to send him back to the orphanage? Jaejoong held the little boy’s hand tighter and walked them to the park to buy him ice cream.
He told his son that those fears weren’t his but his classmates’. Their parents don’t show they love them as much as Jaejoong loved Changmin and it was jealousy that made them say such things. He told him he can’t find a reason to do such things, specially to a little boy who’d been the only source of his happiness.
Changmin made a promise to himself that day that he’ll be the best in everything he’d do. He had the best dad, it only made sense to him that he be the best son, too.
Pre-school was chaotic. It was like setting pigs free from a pen. There were howling kids, running kids, rolling kids, kids who chewed on everything they laid their hands on and kids who just watched the others do their own thing. Changmin was a quiet boy, he was observant and he made friends with any of those who approached him.
Jaejoong dropped him off everyday, before heading to an ice cream parlor to work an after lunch shift. And wait until Changmin’s school was over before getting a dairy treat to give his son for being a good person on his own accord.
It was the simplicity he had wanted to live and keep on living. And he’d do everything to keep it like that.
He was barely a year old when a pair of loving arms held him for the first time and took him home. He was an unwanted baby, born to a careless teenage couple who didn’t know any better.
His bright brown eyes smiled as a toothless grin drew upon his face, his little hands reached up to touch his father’s androgynously beautiful face, lightly giggling. He might be the first to break the ice.
Jaejoong smiled, thinking to himself how he’ll learn what family meant with Changmin now in his life.
A/N: Vain attempt at fighting all the blocks I could possible have. I can't write, I lost my photo mojo and thesis screening is scaring the shit out of me. I need to know what people really think about my work because I feel like I'm this overrated bitch in everything I try to be good at.
A/N2: I've had enough romance and this little crisis is distracting me. I'm sorry.
Please do leave your thoughts~
Every time Changmin leaves after his occasional visits, Jaejoong engraves in his mind how his son’s changed. He didn’t know how much he had done to deserve a grateful son who never forgets who raised him independently and is giving back every hour’s worth of time together.
It was the first time Changmin brought a girl home and quite shyly introduced to him. The young lady was tall, poised just enough, quite snarky and elegantly beautiful and simple. Also, she had that remarkable appetite for a girl who should be watching her weight and figure like others of her age.
They pretty much didn’t need to be figured out. Every angle of them exuded how meant they are for each other. Jaejoong saw that, felt it and his heart was fluttering out of happiness that his son has what he never did. A peaceful love that’d always be by right.
In the back of all this was also a tinge of pain, he wasn’t ready to let him go on his own yet like that. Just not yet. The foolish idea of making them live in this same apartment where Changmin grew up was tempting, but he knew better than to force that idea on his son. He was the one who gave him his freedom in the first place.
He watched as his only son walked down from the stage as he finished his speech. Graduating from college was one thing but being top of the class was another. His pride could skyrocket any moment but he doesn’t let it get to his head, raising such a kid was a miracle and not his work alone. He couldn’t ask for more.
Changmin was always thankful for the father he had. They weren’t biologically related but it was far better than the relationship he had with his real parents; which was nothing. His gratitude towards the man was always high up and he’d always use every opportunity to make him proud and not regret adopting him.
He had everything and yet his heart was scared. Scared that he’ll lose them all in a snap so he made sure it would be impossible. He made sure that Jaejoong was always happy. He deserved it. He thought his life has had enough drama already.
Senior year in high school was crucial. His friends all knew what they wanted to be when they grow up, and yet, he didn’t. Changmin decided he can always ask his father and so he did.
“That’s something you should decide on, Min. You may be my son but that’s your own life in your hands. I can’t be in control all the time even if I wanted to. Learn to make decisions, I know you’ll make the right ones.”
He learned that things really do change. If this was what growing up was about then he’d rather stay young forever. Stay happy and just be the little kid his father secretly wanted him to be so he can always take care of him.
It was impossible, he knew that. And the reason his dad could trust him to make those decisions is because he’s smart enough to. He can figure things out himself. And so he decided he’d be a writer.
His father’s a good one. He’s read the random ramblings Jaejoong wrote on random notepads around the house. He might as well be the greatest influence he could ever be closest to.
To live the dream his father dreamed sounded good to him.
Jaejoong had just come home from work. Changmin rushed from the garden in the backyard to welcome his tired dad. The smile, mismatched eyes and that “What’s for dinner?” while he looked up and hugged his father’s torso excitedly, it could take away an kind of stress Jaejoong carried that day.
Changmin would always do easy home works beforehand so he had more time to play games with his dad and finish the rest after dinner.
He doesn’t know why it was easy to ask for things from him, he’d always hear his classmates complaining about how their parents never allowed them to play or watch the telly before homework, neither the way they’d talk about them as if they were the most evil people on earth. He can’t say, wasn’t it good enough that they were kept and raised by their parents?
Changmin got out of class crying one afternoon. Rubbing his eyes furiously, he went straight to the waiting area where his dad always fetched him. Trying to stop hiccupping so he could speak. His dad held his hand and pat his head, just waited until the boy would explain why he’d shed tears so violently like that.
His classmates had made fun of him for being adopted.
It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t something wrong, at least to him. It wasn’t his fault. But why was he affected so?
Changmin told him he was scared. What if one day he went out and he wasn’t there to pick him up anymore? What if he grew up and he didn’t want him to? What if he couldn’t make him proud? What if he gets tired and decides to send him back to the orphanage? Jaejoong held the little boy’s hand tighter and walked them to the park to buy him ice cream.
He told his son that those fears weren’t his but his classmates’. Their parents don’t show they love them as much as Jaejoong loved Changmin and it was jealousy that made them say such things. He told him he can’t find a reason to do such things, specially to a little boy who’d been the only source of his happiness.
Changmin made a promise to himself that day that he’ll be the best in everything he’d do. He had the best dad, it only made sense to him that he be the best son, too.
Pre-school was chaotic. It was like setting pigs free from a pen. There were howling kids, running kids, rolling kids, kids who chewed on everything they laid their hands on and kids who just watched the others do their own thing. Changmin was a quiet boy, he was observant and he made friends with any of those who approached him.
Jaejoong dropped him off everyday, before heading to an ice cream parlor to work an after lunch shift. And wait until Changmin’s school was over before getting a dairy treat to give his son for being a good person on his own accord.
It was the simplicity he had wanted to live and keep on living. And he’d do everything to keep it like that.
He was barely a year old when a pair of loving arms held him for the first time and took him home. He was an unwanted baby, born to a careless teenage couple who didn’t know any better.
His bright brown eyes smiled as a toothless grin drew upon his face, his little hands reached up to touch his father’s androgynously beautiful face, lightly giggling. He might be the first to break the ice.
Jaejoong smiled, thinking to himself how he’ll learn what family meant with Changmin now in his life.
A/N: Vain attempt at fighting all the blocks I could possible have. I can't write, I lost my photo mojo and thesis screening is scaring the shit out of me. I need to know what people really think about my work because I feel like I'm this overrated bitch in everything I try to be good at.
A/N2: I've had enough romance and this little crisis is distracting me. I'm sorry.
Please do leave your thoughts~
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Date: 2011-05-18 05:38 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2011-05-18 05:41 am (UTC)great story! ♥
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Date: 2013-08-09 08:00 pm (UTC)/rolls away