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allnostalgiaI
Set backs. Faults and pointing fingers. Measuring efforts. Fitting almost-colliding bicycles in a one way lane. And the idea of free love.
Jaejoong had his career laid out in front of him since he was in college. He was a born artist. Talent brought him to where he is at present, a designer-slash-artist in an exclusive ad agency for a huge fast food franchise.
To people his age, twenty-one is when you start to build your own path in the real world right after college spits you out. Like always, he was one huge leap ahead, he was already there.
Yunho wasn’t falling back but he feels like he is. His insecurities were rising and he was beginning to shut his ears whenever Jaejoong would reassure them they were perfectly fine.
“You don’t know how it feels so quit acting like you do!” The last straw broke off and little did he know that it wasn’t him who needed Jaejoong to be there but the other way around.
“You’re right, I don’t. And neither do you. Have you ever thought about how I felt whenever you disregard me? Whenever you make me feel like you don’t want to see me?”
Yunho keeps silent and on the tip of his tongue he’d almost voiced out, Its not like you need me too, anyway. Because he wasn’t ever sure about that.
“You’re tired, aren’t you? You’ve ran short of understanding. You don’t even try to listen to me anymore either.”
I’m just scared that one day you’ll realize I don’t deserve you.
“What’s wrong with us?” Jaejoong asks. And that is the difference, he doesn’t blame Yunho, he accepts that maybe part of it is his fault too. He just needed to know what.
Love may be temporary. But sometimes, if you’re lucky, it lasts a lifetime.
II
Break ups. Either they simply suck or they greatly suck to the point you’d want to bury yourself in a shit hole instead. Seldom do people see that it teaches you to take a step forward.
Honesty wasn’t always on reality’s side. That day Jaejoong decided to call it off because he felt he was holding Yunho back. That very moment, he’d thrown out the hope to get that kind of happiness again out the window as well.
His work load never piled up but he was becoming unhealthy. It shows.
He was driven by pressure and depression. At first, it wasn’t that bad. Until one mighty fine day in June, he got promoted as his last drawn concept board made its way to production.
You’re in deep shit when you step into your Creative Director office and realize your wits are hanging by the edge of a toilet that’s pulling you down as it flushes.
Yunho, oh how he managed effortlessly when he was, in his words, out from under Jaejoong’s shadow.
He never was under it, in the first place, that’s what Jaejoong sees. He knew in his heart that always, Yunho was right beside him when he took those steps as his dreams were taking place.
“That’s a wrap!” he shouts as everyone begins packing up all the equipment into trucks.
His connections, they always seem to lead him back to Jaejoong. One way or another, they never seem to lose commonplace. Conversations about past projects and inspirations for new concepts, Kim Jaejoong’s name is often attached to those memorable works that people wished they came up with.
And in his heart, even as he’s already living his dream, he still feels as if he’s not escaped him yet.
He thinks maybe it’ll never happen.
In the back of his head was a slowly growing thought that he was actually fine with it because at least now he’d have the pride to face Jaejoong without the overpowering feeling of being not enough.
Love may be an oxymoron. Lightly an irony, but more often.
III
Friendship. It’s a terrible level of a relationship when you know there’s a whole lot more between you two than just platonic attraction.
The first time they meet after breaking up was like the first time they met and probably fell in love. Few words, awkwardness saturated air and stealing glances. It was like high school and it felt stupid.
Of all places they’d see each other, it had to be that smoking area in Starbucks. You can’t even think of an excuse to leave without making each other very uncomfortable, in the long run it means the end of it all.
“So…” Jaejoong tries to make small talk as his cigarette was halfway burnt, “How’s your job so far?”
Yunho nods and hums a response as he exhales, “Great. Great, actually.”
“Are you happy?”
Yunho knows he should be, this was what he wanted in the first place. Part of the reason Jaejoong let him go. If he wasn’t, it would break Jaejoong’s heart.
“Most of the time, yes.” Yunho shrugged.
“Well then, its worth it. I’ll see you around!” Jaejoong killed the unfinished stick on the ashtray before waving goodbye, “Take care, Yunho.”
He watched his retreating form as he fell in line to buy coffee and chocolate dipped doughnut. Of course, he still knew what he always had at Starbucks. Three years wasn’t just a couple of years together, anyway.
He forgot about his cigarette, let it fall to the cement floor and stepped on the burning end. I didn’t even ask how he’s been lately.
It wasn’t always about him, that he never figured out. Until he noticed Jaejoong exit the busy establishment with his fringe covering his eyes, and lips quite apart. And he knew, still knew that look of Jaejoong when he held back from showing any emotions.
Do you want to be friends? Just friends? When you realize how much he’d sacrificed for you?
IV
Chances are you still have a spot in his heart you can come back to. But then there’s the guilt that rushes through your system that tells you, you don’t deserve him all the more. Even if it hurts to admit that you’re not the best one for him after all.
He’s never slept peacefully since that Starbucks fiasco. He’s tried to think himself out of it but he can’t. It never really helps to try to forget because the more you will yourself to do so the more it sinks into your brain.
He has regrets, a little. That he didn’t have to be alone to get to where he wanted to be, just like Jaejoong did. But he never believed him when he says it doesn’t have to do anything between the two of them. He stuck to his pride, that ever so foolish pride, and now he can only look at what he’d done.
He asked himself again, Am I happy?
Maybe you figure that you should try to get him back. Selfish, somehow. It doesn’t hurt so bad to try, but I’ll warn you it does hurt a little most of the time. And you would, because a little spark of hope comes from the idea that not all that is best is always right. And you might just be the right one for him, still.
V
Doubts. They don’t ever run out, huh?
Yunho’s mustered enough courage to ask Jaejoong out to lunch on a Friday. On the phone, he sounds like he’s hesitating but he still said yes.
Yunho doesn’t know that Jaejoong is taking his first steps to taking in the reality that there’s just nothing there for him anymore. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up because he doesn’t want to get his heart broken by the same person twice. On top of that, he wanted to know if he could be contented with being friends.
There’s a difference between making a difference in one’s life and being that difference.
And Jaejoong, he wants to find that line that distinguishes where Yunho is.
When doubt over powers faith, it’s over.
VI
Time. It doesn’t heal anything. You, its your choice whether to hold on or let go. Don’t depend on something that’s probably inexistent to fix your broken body parts because it has nothing to do with time but grow old, wither, rot.
Jaejoong never got to taste freedom. He could, but he doesn’t have the heart to leave Yunho behind even if the other man left him. He had faith in what they had, he believed it was the only perfection he could ever possess.
He had clung tight to the thought that Yunho was only happy when they were together.
Jaejoong shoulders the weight of his worries. They were gone, but he feels heavier. He thinks Yunho doesn’t need him when all this time he’d waited for him to come back.
One lunch with him. What would it do? He needs a distraction. He wants to skip that Friday. He scolds himself for never learning to say ‘no’ to Yunho.
In the end, you blame yourself instead.
VII
You believe that how far you would go either to prove yourself or to forget someone is what it takes to get to you.
His case had always been different from how he expected things to be before. He tried hard. Tried to hold back from giving in so easily and it almost crushed his heart.
Yunho had always been an exception. In every belief, theory, or just thoughts Jaejoong would take a stand in. It never helped.
Jaejoong was tired of always being the understanding one. Exhausted by all the explaining he did when their relationship began to wither on the rocks. But never did he give up trying to be Yunho’s comfort. And even if it hurt, he’d surpass his limits and hurt himself in the process.
It would be a lie if Yunho denied he’s hurt by how Jaejoong broke up with him, but it would be a lie too if he said he didn’t want it then.
One lunch date turned to a couple. Then surprise visits and petty gifts. And then dinner dates that would be followed be some drinks.
Jaejoong didn’t want to believe any of it. It was too much for ‘just friends’ but he’d stick to not giving in so quickly. He would, though, if Yunho asked for another chance.
If that isn’t love, then I don’t know what love is.
VIII
He stopped reading signs when he learned it only raises false hope.
Yunho would drop hints every so often that it lead to awkwardness and Jaejoong downing more drinks than he could handle.
Jaejoong would get bad trip drunk and Yunho would drop him off home and stay until his martyr of an ex-boyfriend is asleep.
The first time it happened, Yunho didn’t want to forget. But all those things he heard, he’d rather believe when they were both sober.
Jaejoong entertained his advances but never took them seriously.
He finally figured out that he had to tell him straight if he wanted to assure the man what he’s been doing all these for.
Words are nothing without actions. But actions are confusing without words.
IX
Second chances and brand new promises. For what its worth, love grants you these things even when you don’t really deserve them at all.
“I guess.” That’s the best he could get from Jaejoong.
He could only respond with a tight embrace while Jaejoong lightly returned it.
“Just- don’t- let’s take this one day at a time.” He requested, “I- its not the same anymore and I’m hoping you’d understand.”
He loosened his hold and swept Jaejoong’s hair off his face to look into those eyes, looking for some hint that he’s not afraid.
Love is the little difference between believing and having faith.
X
Next time we’ll be perfect, like we were the first time. I promise I’ll be perfect, like you were, and still are, to me.
It was at dusk in the middle of winter. Under layers and layers of clothes was a fast beating warm heart filled with nothing but joy. He felt everything fall into their rightful place, including him. Falling back into the arms of the one man he’d ever be capable of loving truly.
This time there’s no room for mistakes. It’s not like we’d make any.
XI
Happiness is a choice. That, we never see until we’ve forgotten what brought us down.
Trust is a big word. For Jaejoong, giving that to Yunho for a second time was the hardest thing despite him wanting to give in. A broken heart, twisted mindsets. It gives.
Those months, almost a whole year, actually, of Yunho just doing what he’d left out the first time they were together felt natural and right. He let himself go and just let Jaejoong know how he really feels.
Jaejoong did the same eventually.
Surpassing expectations, leaving out judgments and not giving a damn shit about what others think. Easier said than done, yes, but if you’re not ready to do them for someone then you might just not be ready to fight for a love yet. Not yet. Obstacles come but they don’t go away on their own, they need to be solved.
XII
I love you because I need you? Or I need you because I love you?
Jaejoong loved Yunho, there’s no doubt about that. Not for a second did he waiver. But at some point, he felt like all his efforts were never recognized so he chose to protect himself instead because the person he’d yearned to tend to turned into someone who’d chosen to hurt him.
Yunho wasn’t sensitive enough to feel much of Jaejoong’s efforts. He had a busy job then but he always had time for Yunho, he made time for Yunho.
Yunho loved Jaejoong. He just wasn’t stable and mature enough to take that they can’t easily meet-up and spend time as much anymore. Petty things, he’d make a big deal out of when he wasn’t even the one having a hard time.
Jaejoong understood him, he always did. What urged him to let him go was the fact that when he was the one who needed understanding, Yunho doesn’t even hint he has it.
He needed Yunho, he was this tower of inspiration for him. He was part of the reason he’d work his ass off because he wanted to live with him comfortably. But Yunho didn’t see it that way. He didn’t see past the now, to him it was always about the now. But when you’re on your way and taking days one step at a time to that dream you’d worked hard for, you’ll never stop looking forward.
Yunho envied him for that. Jajeoong had a career and he didn’t. He wanted to deserve Jaejoong. Wanted to make him proud. But his emotions got the better of him and he got angry. Angry about Jaejoong not caring if he did his part or not, too busy being the one who took care of him when he wanted to do the same.
He needed Jaejoong. Maybe as much as Jaejoong needed him but like always, he didn’t know where to start looking forward.
They were vital parts of each other’s dreams, their futures, but there was too many obstructions they can’t see past them.
I need you because I love you.
XIII
Perfect love stories don’t have happy endings. They never really end, do they?
He’d asked Jaejoong to move in with him on his own time. That was Jaejoong’s future, being laid out in front of him by Yunho himself.
It wasn’t that surprising that they were on their way there since taking it slow was the whole idea of taking another chance at getting back together.
Jaejoong kissed him tenderly when Yunho finally said it, “Is that a yes?” And then he kissed him again.
It wasn’t easy putting back torn pieces of a love because unlike a simple puzzle, when a heart is broken, some parts change.
Lucky for Yunho, somehow he’d always find a way to make it up to him, even the biggest mistake he’d ever done. Because Jaejoong would always hear hundreds, if not thousands of reasons why Yunho doesn’t deserve to be forgiven, but he’ll tell you one that convinces him he could take another chance.
He never saw himself with another person. It was always about Yunho being his first and last of everything.
Every step is a new beginning, that’s why we can’t find where love actually begins and ends.
Set backs. Faults and pointing fingers. Measuring efforts. Fitting almost-colliding bicycles in a one way lane. And the idea of free love.
Jaejoong had his career laid out in front of him since he was in college. He was a born artist. Talent brought him to where he is at present, a designer-slash-artist in an exclusive ad agency for a huge fast food franchise.
To people his age, twenty-one is when you start to build your own path in the real world right after college spits you out. Like always, he was one huge leap ahead, he was already there.
Yunho wasn’t falling back but he feels like he is. His insecurities were rising and he was beginning to shut his ears whenever Jaejoong would reassure them they were perfectly fine.
“You don’t know how it feels so quit acting like you do!” The last straw broke off and little did he know that it wasn’t him who needed Jaejoong to be there but the other way around.
“You’re right, I don’t. And neither do you. Have you ever thought about how I felt whenever you disregard me? Whenever you make me feel like you don’t want to see me?”
Yunho keeps silent and on the tip of his tongue he’d almost voiced out, Its not like you need me too, anyway. Because he wasn’t ever sure about that.
“You’re tired, aren’t you? You’ve ran short of understanding. You don’t even try to listen to me anymore either.”
I’m just scared that one day you’ll realize I don’t deserve you.
“What’s wrong with us?” Jaejoong asks. And that is the difference, he doesn’t blame Yunho, he accepts that maybe part of it is his fault too. He just needed to know what.
Love may be temporary. But sometimes, if you’re lucky, it lasts a lifetime.
II
Break ups. Either they simply suck or they greatly suck to the point you’d want to bury yourself in a shit hole instead. Seldom do people see that it teaches you to take a step forward.
Honesty wasn’t always on reality’s side. That day Jaejoong decided to call it off because he felt he was holding Yunho back. That very moment, he’d thrown out the hope to get that kind of happiness again out the window as well.
His work load never piled up but he was becoming unhealthy. It shows.
He was driven by pressure and depression. At first, it wasn’t that bad. Until one mighty fine day in June, he got promoted as his last drawn concept board made its way to production.
You’re in deep shit when you step into your Creative Director office and realize your wits are hanging by the edge of a toilet that’s pulling you down as it flushes.
Yunho, oh how he managed effortlessly when he was, in his words, out from under Jaejoong’s shadow.
He never was under it, in the first place, that’s what Jaejoong sees. He knew in his heart that always, Yunho was right beside him when he took those steps as his dreams were taking place.
“That’s a wrap!” he shouts as everyone begins packing up all the equipment into trucks.
His connections, they always seem to lead him back to Jaejoong. One way or another, they never seem to lose commonplace. Conversations about past projects and inspirations for new concepts, Kim Jaejoong’s name is often attached to those memorable works that people wished they came up with.
And in his heart, even as he’s already living his dream, he still feels as if he’s not escaped him yet.
He thinks maybe it’ll never happen.
In the back of his head was a slowly growing thought that he was actually fine with it because at least now he’d have the pride to face Jaejoong without the overpowering feeling of being not enough.
Love may be an oxymoron. Lightly an irony, but more often.
III
Friendship. It’s a terrible level of a relationship when you know there’s a whole lot more between you two than just platonic attraction.
The first time they meet after breaking up was like the first time they met and probably fell in love. Few words, awkwardness saturated air and stealing glances. It was like high school and it felt stupid.
Of all places they’d see each other, it had to be that smoking area in Starbucks. You can’t even think of an excuse to leave without making each other very uncomfortable, in the long run it means the end of it all.
“So…” Jaejoong tries to make small talk as his cigarette was halfway burnt, “How’s your job so far?”
Yunho nods and hums a response as he exhales, “Great. Great, actually.”
“Are you happy?”
Yunho knows he should be, this was what he wanted in the first place. Part of the reason Jaejoong let him go. If he wasn’t, it would break Jaejoong’s heart.
“Most of the time, yes.” Yunho shrugged.
“Well then, its worth it. I’ll see you around!” Jaejoong killed the unfinished stick on the ashtray before waving goodbye, “Take care, Yunho.”
He watched his retreating form as he fell in line to buy coffee and chocolate dipped doughnut. Of course, he still knew what he always had at Starbucks. Three years wasn’t just a couple of years together, anyway.
He forgot about his cigarette, let it fall to the cement floor and stepped on the burning end. I didn’t even ask how he’s been lately.
It wasn’t always about him, that he never figured out. Until he noticed Jaejoong exit the busy establishment with his fringe covering his eyes, and lips quite apart. And he knew, still knew that look of Jaejoong when he held back from showing any emotions.
Do you want to be friends? Just friends? When you realize how much he’d sacrificed for you?
IV
Chances are you still have a spot in his heart you can come back to. But then there’s the guilt that rushes through your system that tells you, you don’t deserve him all the more. Even if it hurts to admit that you’re not the best one for him after all.
He’s never slept peacefully since that Starbucks fiasco. He’s tried to think himself out of it but he can’t. It never really helps to try to forget because the more you will yourself to do so the more it sinks into your brain.
He has regrets, a little. That he didn’t have to be alone to get to where he wanted to be, just like Jaejoong did. But he never believed him when he says it doesn’t have to do anything between the two of them. He stuck to his pride, that ever so foolish pride, and now he can only look at what he’d done.
He asked himself again, Am I happy?
Maybe you figure that you should try to get him back. Selfish, somehow. It doesn’t hurt so bad to try, but I’ll warn you it does hurt a little most of the time. And you would, because a little spark of hope comes from the idea that not all that is best is always right. And you might just be the right one for him, still.
V
Doubts. They don’t ever run out, huh?
Yunho’s mustered enough courage to ask Jaejoong out to lunch on a Friday. On the phone, he sounds like he’s hesitating but he still said yes.
Yunho doesn’t know that Jaejoong is taking his first steps to taking in the reality that there’s just nothing there for him anymore. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up because he doesn’t want to get his heart broken by the same person twice. On top of that, he wanted to know if he could be contented with being friends.
There’s a difference between making a difference in one’s life and being that difference.
And Jaejoong, he wants to find that line that distinguishes where Yunho is.
When doubt over powers faith, it’s over.
VI
Time. It doesn’t heal anything. You, its your choice whether to hold on or let go. Don’t depend on something that’s probably inexistent to fix your broken body parts because it has nothing to do with time but grow old, wither, rot.
Jaejoong never got to taste freedom. He could, but he doesn’t have the heart to leave Yunho behind even if the other man left him. He had faith in what they had, he believed it was the only perfection he could ever possess.
He had clung tight to the thought that Yunho was only happy when they were together.
‘Are you happy?’
‘Most of the time, yes.’
‘Most of the time, yes.’
Jaejoong shoulders the weight of his worries. They were gone, but he feels heavier. He thinks Yunho doesn’t need him when all this time he’d waited for him to come back.
One lunch with him. What would it do? He needs a distraction. He wants to skip that Friday. He scolds himself for never learning to say ‘no’ to Yunho.
In the end, you blame yourself instead.
VII
You believe that how far you would go either to prove yourself or to forget someone is what it takes to get to you.
His case had always been different from how he expected things to be before. He tried hard. Tried to hold back from giving in so easily and it almost crushed his heart.
Yunho had always been an exception. In every belief, theory, or just thoughts Jaejoong would take a stand in. It never helped.
Jaejoong was tired of always being the understanding one. Exhausted by all the explaining he did when their relationship began to wither on the rocks. But never did he give up trying to be Yunho’s comfort. And even if it hurt, he’d surpass his limits and hurt himself in the process.
“I’m just gonna let you walk away, okay? If it makes you happy, then go.” His words were firm although his emotions were about to explode, despite that, he kept himself composed. If he had to stop breathing just to not let Yunho see him shed tears, he’d do it.
“Jae-“
“No. Shut up and just leave if you think this isn’t working out anymore.”
And Yunho left, walking towards the door and looking at Jaejoong’s form leaning on the edge of his drafting table but eyes never meeting his.
“Jae-“
“No. Shut up and just leave if you think this isn’t working out anymore.”
And Yunho left, walking towards the door and looking at Jaejoong’s form leaning on the edge of his drafting table but eyes never meeting his.
It would be a lie if Yunho denied he’s hurt by how Jaejoong broke up with him, but it would be a lie too if he said he didn’t want it then.
One lunch date turned to a couple. Then surprise visits and petty gifts. And then dinner dates that would be followed be some drinks.
Jaejoong didn’t want to believe any of it. It was too much for ‘just friends’ but he’d stick to not giving in so quickly. He would, though, if Yunho asked for another chance.
If that isn’t love, then I don’t know what love is.
VIII
He stopped reading signs when he learned it only raises false hope.
Yunho would drop hints every so often that it lead to awkwardness and Jaejoong downing more drinks than he could handle.
Jaejoong would get bad trip drunk and Yunho would drop him off home and stay until his martyr of an ex-boyfriend is asleep.
The first time it happened, Yunho didn’t want to forget. But all those things he heard, he’d rather believe when they were both sober.
“Hmm… I…” a quiet sob escaped Jaejoong’s throat, “…hate you.”
It hurt, definitely. He pressed his lips tight to hold involuntary tears from slipping past his eyes. He tucked Jaejoong in bed and moved his fringe away from his perfect face before standing up to leave.
Quiet sobs filled the silence of the late hours but he couldn’t free himself from the guilt.
“Jae, I’m sorry.” He whispered as he kissed the drunken man who was crying himself to sleep.
“Go.” One deep breath and another sob, then he pulled the sheets over his head as he pushed Yunho away from him, “Just go away like you did before!” Louder crying sounds echoed in his ears as he exited the man’s home. “I don’t need you.” That was the last he heard that night, muffled yet so loud and clear, screaming at his heart.
It hurt, definitely. He pressed his lips tight to hold involuntary tears from slipping past his eyes. He tucked Jaejoong in bed and moved his fringe away from his perfect face before standing up to leave.
Quiet sobs filled the silence of the late hours but he couldn’t free himself from the guilt.
“Jae, I’m sorry.” He whispered as he kissed the drunken man who was crying himself to sleep.
“Go.” One deep breath and another sob, then he pulled the sheets over his head as he pushed Yunho away from him, “Just go away like you did before!” Louder crying sounds echoed in his ears as he exited the man’s home. “I don’t need you.” That was the last he heard that night, muffled yet so loud and clear, screaming at his heart.
Jaejoong entertained his advances but never took them seriously.
He finally figured out that he had to tell him straight if he wanted to assure the man what he’s been doing all these for.
Words are nothing without actions. But actions are confusing without words.
IX
Second chances and brand new promises. For what its worth, love grants you these things even when you don’t really deserve them at all.
“I guess.” That’s the best he could get from Jaejoong.
He could only respond with a tight embrace while Jaejoong lightly returned it.
“Just- don’t- let’s take this one day at a time.” He requested, “I- its not the same anymore and I’m hoping you’d understand.”
He loosened his hold and swept Jaejoong’s hair off his face to look into those eyes, looking for some hint that he’s not afraid.
Love is the little difference between believing and having faith.
X
Next time we’ll be perfect, like we were the first time. I promise I’ll be perfect, like you were, and still are, to me.
It was at dusk in the middle of winter. Under layers and layers of clothes was a fast beating warm heart filled with nothing but joy. He felt everything fall into their rightful place, including him. Falling back into the arms of the one man he’d ever be capable of loving truly.
This time there’s no room for mistakes. It’s not like we’d make any.
XI
Happiness is a choice. That, we never see until we’ve forgotten what brought us down.
Trust is a big word. For Jaejoong, giving that to Yunho for a second time was the hardest thing despite him wanting to give in. A broken heart, twisted mindsets. It gives.
Those months, almost a whole year, actually, of Yunho just doing what he’d left out the first time they were together felt natural and right. He let himself go and just let Jaejoong know how he really feels.
Jaejoong did the same eventually.
Surpassing expectations, leaving out judgments and not giving a damn shit about what others think. Easier said than done, yes, but if you’re not ready to do them for someone then you might just not be ready to fight for a love yet. Not yet. Obstacles come but they don’t go away on their own, they need to be solved.
XII
I love you because I need you? Or I need you because I love you?
Jaejoong loved Yunho, there’s no doubt about that. Not for a second did he waiver. But at some point, he felt like all his efforts were never recognized so he chose to protect himself instead because the person he’d yearned to tend to turned into someone who’d chosen to hurt him.
Yunho wasn’t sensitive enough to feel much of Jaejoong’s efforts. He had a busy job then but he always had time for Yunho, he made time for Yunho.
Yunho loved Jaejoong. He just wasn’t stable and mature enough to take that they can’t easily meet-up and spend time as much anymore. Petty things, he’d make a big deal out of when he wasn’t even the one having a hard time.
Jaejoong understood him, he always did. What urged him to let him go was the fact that when he was the one who needed understanding, Yunho doesn’t even hint he has it.
He needed Yunho, he was this tower of inspiration for him. He was part of the reason he’d work his ass off because he wanted to live with him comfortably. But Yunho didn’t see it that way. He didn’t see past the now, to him it was always about the now. But when you’re on your way and taking days one step at a time to that dream you’d worked hard for, you’ll never stop looking forward.
Yunho envied him for that. Jajeoong had a career and he didn’t. He wanted to deserve Jaejoong. Wanted to make him proud. But his emotions got the better of him and he got angry. Angry about Jaejoong not caring if he did his part or not, too busy being the one who took care of him when he wanted to do the same.
He needed Jaejoong. Maybe as much as Jaejoong needed him but like always, he didn’t know where to start looking forward.
They were vital parts of each other’s dreams, their futures, but there was too many obstructions they can’t see past them.
I need you because I love you.
XIII
Perfect love stories don’t have happy endings. They never really end, do they?
He’d asked Jaejoong to move in with him on his own time. That was Jaejoong’s future, being laid out in front of him by Yunho himself.
It wasn’t that surprising that they were on their way there since taking it slow was the whole idea of taking another chance at getting back together.
Jaejoong kissed him tenderly when Yunho finally said it, “Is that a yes?” And then he kissed him again.
It wasn’t easy putting back torn pieces of a love because unlike a simple puzzle, when a heart is broken, some parts change.
Lucky for Yunho, somehow he’d always find a way to make it up to him, even the biggest mistake he’d ever done. Because Jaejoong would always hear hundreds, if not thousands of reasons why Yunho doesn’t deserve to be forgiven, but he’ll tell you one that convinces him he could take another chance.
He never saw himself with another person. It was always about Yunho being his first and last of everything.
Every step is a new beginning, that’s why we can’t find where love actually begins and ends.
A/N: The so-called exam week is over! I got no plates to do yet so this happened. Today, I'm meeting up with awesome friends to have some Korean food and because I miss them like I went AWOL on the world for months because I think I actually kind of did. Yeah, well... Well, ain't that irrelevant?
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Date: 2011-01-26 10:00 am (UTC)Thank you, bb~ :) /kilig
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Date: 2011-01-26 10:01 am (UTC)at hindi ako fan, don't misunderstood. Y.Y
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Date: 2011-01-26 11:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-26 12:00 pm (UTC)anyway matagal na yun~ its a very old movie looool
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Date: 2011-01-26 01:02 pm (UTC)