A World Apart
Mon, Dec. 13th, 2010 12:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
allnostalgiaHis body was gliding smoothly as he walked among the people with tense stiffness all over their faces. The busy-ness of last minute shopping looked like a hell hole of stress but he was all calm and blissful like he wasn’t there at all.
Crossing streets and intersections, up and down underpasses and skipping buses. A gentle smile decorated his face, like a lovesick fool who had high hopes of a requited emotion with his first crush. The gleam in his eyes looked like that of a kid who’d been given his favorite ice cream.
He reached a familiar neighborhood uptown, feeling the barely there breeze that coldly brushed his skin and softly blew his auburn hair. Taking lefts and rights towards a place his heart had always wanted to come home to.
Across the street from that house, he sat quietly on the gutter. Watching as the sun set and the lights from all the Christmas décor began to light up and tenderly hype the aura of the season.
His smile never faltered, although his eyes began to moisten. It was the first Christmas without him by his side.
Remorse, guilt, what else is there. His heart was tumbling in his chest of all the emotions he had to suppress. That pride, he’d never changed. Nobody would see his tears, but he still wouldn’t let them fall.
He went over and walked to the snowman just outside his former lover’s yard. He watched as the wind blew the green and red scarf sideways. Does he miss me? Did he remember me when he built this silly snowman? He wanted to laugh off the uneven proportion of the off-set sculpture but his heart was deeply overwhelmed at how he feels like nobody remembers him at all.
He walked passed the pile of ice and peaked through the window. Those voices, he had heard them embrace his ears before. Christmas Eve was always more beautiful than any other day.
Yunho was wearing the beanie he gave him two Christmases ago. He was chasing after their five year old son, Yoochun. Running around the living room with a present in hand, one he believed was from Santa Claus. Junsu, he had always been that behaved little boy who just sat and listened to his parents. And Changmin, taking his unstable steps along the carpet and around the center table.
His husband caught their first child and raised him up and down which made the toddler laugh and giddy. It was a pretty sight, heartwarming yet heartbreaking. He wished he was there to laugh with him.
Junsu, giggled at the excitement he felt as if he was the one being thrown into the air and caught in the arms of his father. He laughed as if he was also feeling the same butterflies in his stomach as Yoochun did.
Changmin, he was staring out the window. Jaejoong wondered why he was so quiet as he held himself up between the table and the soft cushions of the couch. He stared as if he could see his father watching them from outside. The awe, evident on his face as Jaejoong smiled as he tried to keep his tears from falling. His son giggled and smiled, his eyes cutely mismatched.
“Jung-sshi…” the doctor’s voice was flat and his face wasn’t any more expressive of anything but being sorry and sympathetic, “it wasn’t easy for him. I’m sorry. He chose to let your son live.”
Yunho clenched his fists tight when he heard the bad news, his tears quietly flowing when he walked into the room and finally saw his youngest son’s bright eyes.
That day was one of the most fateful ones in his whole life. He’d never try to forget. How every year his son gets older, he remembers the day his husband died.
Yunho sat in the middle of the couch, beside Junsu’s little frame. Placing Yoochun on his other side and picking up Changmin to sit on his lap. He was speaking to each of them, or maybe singing Christmas carols to entertain them and keep them from running around.
His smile was the same priceless, genuine smile but his eyes weren’t as happy as before. Maybe it was because of the stress, he had three kids to take care of plus a stable job. Or maybe, he was missing Jaejoong more each day.
“Ap… Appa!” Changmin mumbled, imitating his oldest brother who was protesting about opening his presents already.
His first word.
Yunho’s happiness tripled.
He wished Jaejoong was there to hear it. Hear that first word and argue which ‘appa’ their son was actually referring to. He laughed at the memory, his heart ached but his sons were more than enough to patch it all up again.
Jaejoong strolled down to their back yard and sat upright on the porch railing. His four boys were eating in the dining room. Yoochun ate on his own, Junsu tried to do the same and Yunho fed Changmin. He wished he could be there to help him out and clean up afterwards. He wished most to be able to cook them meals not just on Christmas but everyday. It was a dream of his and it was cut short.
It was nearing midnight and Changmin was crying. He bets the littlest kid was already sleepy and Yunho wanted to keep him up so he could open his presents with his brothers. Yoochun and Junsu simply played around the house, trying to sneak under the tree to savor the overflowing gifts.
Yunho gathered his sons near the tree and gave them what they’ve been waiting for all night. Teaching them to greet ‘Merry Christmas!’ and say ‘Thank you!’ after receiving their presents. Yoochun was crazily tearing up the wrapper as Changmin watched him with curiosity, later trying to do the same with a huge grin on his face. Junsu, being the ever so lovable baby gave his daddy a hug and said thank you before unwrapping his gifts.
Jaejoong watched as Yunho looked at the necklace he was wearing and sighed. That was the last couple necklace they gave each other.
Changmin cuddled up to him and touched the necklace and looked back to the window and smiled. He waved his hand and blew him a kiss and Changmin did the same. The little boy could definitely see him and he was more than happy, even if his son wouldn’t remember it when he grew up.
Yunho noticed his son’s actions and stood up. “Minnie-ah, what do you see there, huh? Blowing kisses to Mr. Snowman?”
Jaejoong stood there by the window, wanting to touch his husband’s face and tell him how much he loves him but the other could only see white flakes falling from the sky.
“Tell appa I love him, okay?”
Changmin giggled and touched his dad’s face with his warm little hands. “Appa! Appa!” then he wrapped his short arms around his father’s neck and nuzzled in as he yawned. “Appa…”
It crossed his mind that maybe, Jaejoong was out there right now. He wanted to see him and tell him how much he loves him and kiss him tenderly like he used to but he couldn’t. Changmin might be the only one raveling in the sight of him.
“Minnie-ah… Did you tell Jaejoong appa you love him? Did you thank him for bringing you into this world? Tell him we love him, Minnie, alright?” He whispered into his son’s ear while gently rocking himself to let the tired baby have his rest. Kissing his hair as his hands secured his son’s sleep.
The way Yunho held his son and how Yoochun and Junsu would take care of each other when their father was busy with Changmin touched his heart. He’s too good a father. I have nothing to worry about my children growing up wrongly. Deep inside though, he still felt sorry for leaving him and his very young children too soon. He wanted to be with them as they grow up but he wasn’t given the chance.
Maybe their life was already too good and perfect that fate had to twist it a bit too cruelly for one of them. If he chose to live, would they be as happy as Yunho is right now with their children? He loved him but he knew him too well too. He knew that Yunho would understand if he chose to cut his own life even if it would hurt.
With those thoughts, he went off to somewhere he didn’t know.
Contentment flowing through his system.
He was at peace.
A/N: Because its so cold and I can actually feel Christmas now! Plus, I've finished my animation plate but I gotta start on the new one too. Oh, how do I get over this fear I have of thesis? Heh
Crossing streets and intersections, up and down underpasses and skipping buses. A gentle smile decorated his face, like a lovesick fool who had high hopes of a requited emotion with his first crush. The gleam in his eyes looked like that of a kid who’d been given his favorite ice cream.
He reached a familiar neighborhood uptown, feeling the barely there breeze that coldly brushed his skin and softly blew his auburn hair. Taking lefts and rights towards a place his heart had always wanted to come home to.
Across the street from that house, he sat quietly on the gutter. Watching as the sun set and the lights from all the Christmas décor began to light up and tenderly hype the aura of the season.
His smile never faltered, although his eyes began to moisten. It was the first Christmas without him by his side.
Remorse, guilt, what else is there. His heart was tumbling in his chest of all the emotions he had to suppress. That pride, he’d never changed. Nobody would see his tears, but he still wouldn’t let them fall.
He went over and walked to the snowman just outside his former lover’s yard. He watched as the wind blew the green and red scarf sideways. Does he miss me? Did he remember me when he built this silly snowman? He wanted to laugh off the uneven proportion of the off-set sculpture but his heart was deeply overwhelmed at how he feels like nobody remembers him at all.
He walked passed the pile of ice and peaked through the window. Those voices, he had heard them embrace his ears before. Christmas Eve was always more beautiful than any other day.
Yunho was wearing the beanie he gave him two Christmases ago. He was chasing after their five year old son, Yoochun. Running around the living room with a present in hand, one he believed was from Santa Claus. Junsu, he had always been that behaved little boy who just sat and listened to his parents. And Changmin, taking his unstable steps along the carpet and around the center table.
His husband caught their first child and raised him up and down which made the toddler laugh and giddy. It was a pretty sight, heartwarming yet heartbreaking. He wished he was there to laugh with him.
Junsu, giggled at the excitement he felt as if he was the one being thrown into the air and caught in the arms of his father. He laughed as if he was also feeling the same butterflies in his stomach as Yoochun did.
Changmin, he was staring out the window. Jaejoong wondered why he was so quiet as he held himself up between the table and the soft cushions of the couch. He stared as if he could see his father watching them from outside. The awe, evident on his face as Jaejoong smiled as he tried to keep his tears from falling. His son giggled and smiled, his eyes cutely mismatched.
“Jung-sshi…” the doctor’s voice was flat and his face wasn’t any more expressive of anything but being sorry and sympathetic, “it wasn’t easy for him. I’m sorry. He chose to let your son live.”
Yunho clenched his fists tight when he heard the bad news, his tears quietly flowing when he walked into the room and finally saw his youngest son’s bright eyes.
That day was one of the most fateful ones in his whole life. He’d never try to forget. How every year his son gets older, he remembers the day his husband died.
Yunho sat in the middle of the couch, beside Junsu’s little frame. Placing Yoochun on his other side and picking up Changmin to sit on his lap. He was speaking to each of them, or maybe singing Christmas carols to entertain them and keep them from running around.
His smile was the same priceless, genuine smile but his eyes weren’t as happy as before. Maybe it was because of the stress, he had three kids to take care of plus a stable job. Or maybe, he was missing Jaejoong more each day.
“Ap… Appa!” Changmin mumbled, imitating his oldest brother who was protesting about opening his presents already.
His first word.
Yunho’s happiness tripled.
He wished Jaejoong was there to hear it. Hear that first word and argue which ‘appa’ their son was actually referring to. He laughed at the memory, his heart ached but his sons were more than enough to patch it all up again.
Jaejoong strolled down to their back yard and sat upright on the porch railing. His four boys were eating in the dining room. Yoochun ate on his own, Junsu tried to do the same and Yunho fed Changmin. He wished he could be there to help him out and clean up afterwards. He wished most to be able to cook them meals not just on Christmas but everyday. It was a dream of his and it was cut short.
It was nearing midnight and Changmin was crying. He bets the littlest kid was already sleepy and Yunho wanted to keep him up so he could open his presents with his brothers. Yoochun and Junsu simply played around the house, trying to sneak under the tree to savor the overflowing gifts.
Yunho gathered his sons near the tree and gave them what they’ve been waiting for all night. Teaching them to greet ‘Merry Christmas!’ and say ‘Thank you!’ after receiving their presents. Yoochun was crazily tearing up the wrapper as Changmin watched him with curiosity, later trying to do the same with a huge grin on his face. Junsu, being the ever so lovable baby gave his daddy a hug and said thank you before unwrapping his gifts.
Jaejoong watched as Yunho looked at the necklace he was wearing and sighed. That was the last couple necklace they gave each other.
Changmin cuddled up to him and touched the necklace and looked back to the window and smiled. He waved his hand and blew him a kiss and Changmin did the same. The little boy could definitely see him and he was more than happy, even if his son wouldn’t remember it when he grew up.
Yunho noticed his son’s actions and stood up. “Minnie-ah, what do you see there, huh? Blowing kisses to Mr. Snowman?”
Jaejoong stood there by the window, wanting to touch his husband’s face and tell him how much he loves him but the other could only see white flakes falling from the sky.
“Tell appa I love him, okay?”
Changmin giggled and touched his dad’s face with his warm little hands. “Appa! Appa!” then he wrapped his short arms around his father’s neck and nuzzled in as he yawned. “Appa…”
It crossed his mind that maybe, Jaejoong was out there right now. He wanted to see him and tell him how much he loves him and kiss him tenderly like he used to but he couldn’t. Changmin might be the only one raveling in the sight of him.
“Minnie-ah… Did you tell Jaejoong appa you love him? Did you thank him for bringing you into this world? Tell him we love him, Minnie, alright?” He whispered into his son’s ear while gently rocking himself to let the tired baby have his rest. Kissing his hair as his hands secured his son’s sleep.
The way Yunho held his son and how Yoochun and Junsu would take care of each other when their father was busy with Changmin touched his heart. He’s too good a father. I have nothing to worry about my children growing up wrongly. Deep inside though, he still felt sorry for leaving him and his very young children too soon. He wanted to be with them as they grow up but he wasn’t given the chance.
Maybe their life was already too good and perfect that fate had to twist it a bit too cruelly for one of them. If he chose to live, would they be as happy as Yunho is right now with their children? He loved him but he knew him too well too. He knew that Yunho would understand if he chose to cut his own life even if it would hurt.
With those thoughts, he went off to somewhere he didn’t know.
Contentment flowing through his system.
He was at peace.
A/N: Because its so cold and I can actually feel Christmas now! Plus, I've finished my animation plate but I gotta start on the new one too. Oh, how do I get over this fear I have of thesis? Heh
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-12-12 04:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-12 05:07 pm (UTC)I really liked this, very Christmas-y. Changmin is so cute <3
Thank you for this, see you!