Of Lies & Too Much Love

[allnostalgia]

Based on Eminem & Rihanna's 'Love The Way You Lie'
(NC-17 just to be safe. I don't know where violence should be rated. Plus, implied sensual scenes.)


He stormed out of the house dragging his suitcase. Dark eyes feigned his bruised beautiful face. He spat as he walked towards his sedan.

"YOU'RE NOT LEAVING! GET OUT OF THAT CAR!" Yunho shouted as he followed Jaejoong into the cold night.

The car roared to life while Yunho kept banging the window, angry and sad and sorry.

That's how it always went for them. They fight, try to resist saying how he's tired of apologies that were never meant but eventually Jaejoong gives in when Yunho utters another insincere 'I'm sorry'.

He rest his head on his arms over the steering wheel and waits for his tears to stop washing over his wounds. Yunho just sat on the gutter, waiting for him to come out and forgive him for the nth time for the same fault.

His nerves calmed after long minutes. He pulled out a heavy sigh from his cigarette burned lungs and stepped out of the car after shutting off the engine.

Yunho quickly trapped Jaejoong on the side of the car as soon as he heard the door close. His arms on either side of the smaller man who just looked anywhere but into his eyes. He muttered another apology and kissed Jaejoong's hair, then inhaled his addicting scent.

He brought himself closer to the smaller man and the other looked at him, expressions absent from his features. His face inched closer but the other wouldn't budge at all.

Jaejoong hated it. He was angry at himself because he couldn't come to leave when he's been suffering form the same issues over and over. He hated that he can't help but submit himself to Yunho when he should be the one the other submits to. It was definitely a ride through hell but he didn't want to get off. He loved him too much. And he knew that that's what's wrong.

Next thing he knew Jaejoong's arms were around his neck, his lips blowing warm breath over his. Tempting him, saying he's forgiven. Underlying was a hint that Jaejoong knows this won't be the last time. Its nothing new, really.

Jaejoong tugged on his lower lip between his teeth. Sucking on it, tasting his alcohol ridden mouth. Their tongues dancing in an open-mouthed kiss. Yunho's hands gripped on Jaejoong's wrists and held him in place, squeezing him between him and the car. "I'm really sorry." Yunho muttered, his hot breath tingling the nerves of the other man. Jaejoong was burning inside, but he never showed he was hurt. Like how he always did, every single time.

I'll never take anger on you again. I know it's not you, Jae. It's me.




A couple of weeks of smooth sailing was simply too ideal but it was heaven for him, actually. It was easier that way, of course, but it wasn't what reality looked like most of the time.

He didn't even know if he was fine with it or not. Apathetic. Pathetic.

He was waiting for Yunho somewhere in the downtown streets of Seoul. Its been half an hour since his shift was over but he still hasn't come. Jaejoong's eyes were bloodshot, his frame was trembling, his heart and mind were in much worse condition. He lit a cigarette to stable down his rushing thoughts when a man approached him to borrow a light. The man began to small talk which he entertained to distract himself from his recurring thoughts.

Yunho turned the corner to where he was while he was having a conversation with the man. Suddenly he was being dragged away, Yunho's hands clenching his hair and walking fast to an empty alley. "Ow. Y-yun. Dammit! It hurts." His voice couldn't get loud, he was too weak to fight. His eyes had tears forming but he didn't let them fall.

"WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT?"

He breathed heavily and wiped his face with his two hands, "I didn't even bother to know his name, Yunho. He just borrowed a lighter. Small talk."

He slapped Jaejoong with the back of his hand, hitting is cheek and jaw. Then grabbing him by the hair once again, and then doing the same act on the other side. Jaejoong felt the same way all over again. He wanted to leave the man to make him regret his actions, the same rising feeling of 'I will do it this time' but he wasn't sure where he'd go. He fell to the cold cement as Yunho let lose his hold. He sat up slowly, Yunho kneeled in front of him and grabbed his face harshly by the chin, "We're going home. I asked you to come here at 8! What were you doing there earlier?"

"Y-yun…" He didn't finish his sentence, he knew the other wouldn't listen even if he was late.

Yunho stood up and pulled Jaejoong to his feet. Holding his hand tightly and walking to his car by the curb.



He slammed the door shut and pinned Jaejoong to the wall before his fist came quick to meet with Jaejoong's face again. His lips were bleeding and the taste of iron immediately mixed with his own saliva. He cringed at the massive power and hurt. Eyes tightly shut as he seems to stop breathing with every single hit as if it would make him numb from the pain. He stood lifelessly, threatening to fall any second as he tried to gather energy to shield himself once and get Yunho to realize what he's doing.



I felt like I was soaring above all things that actually mattered. We were very young then and so was our love. Not exactly oblivious but we went on not minding the disgusted and discriminating looks of the people who won't even try to understand that we were in love --madly in love.

We hopped on a bus to the outskirts of the city for no particular reason at dawn. Geared with money, cigarettes, cameras and films. We got off when the sun started to peek at the horizon.

Sunrise.

"I've never seen it before. I mean, I've never seen it in my sober state." Yunho said.

"Of course you haven't. You barely wake up in the morning." I tried to mock with a smirk. And then I noticed the way he looked at me, "Please don't say something cheesy…"

Yunho burst out laughing, "What makes you think I'm thinking something cheesy?"

I looked at him questioningly, "Uh… Your face? Aah! No!"

"I'm just glad that I saw it with you, okay? Sheesh~"

I tried to hide a smile as he walked on. "Yunho!"

"What?"

"Nothing." I blamed the man for having me blush, "Aish! You really shouldn't be sleazy!" Yunho approached me and I whacked him hard on the arm.

He just smirked and I felt like I made a big deal out of something ordinary but I couldn't care less and continued taking photos. "Jae, are you done? I'm kind of hungry."



The sand felt quite damp and ticklish under my feet as we walked barefoot toward the shore. We talked, ate the unappetizing food from a gas station convenience store and talked more about anything and everything.

I laid down and watched when he began taking photos again. Feeling a tad bit guilty for ruining the perfect texture of the sand with the cigarette ashes I flick off as I stared up at the beautiful sky and listened to the waves crashing on the shore and gracefully coming back to the sea and the shutter clicks as he immortalizes his visions.

"Jae!" My head turned instantly when I heard his voice, "I think its gonna rain soon. Where do you wanna go next?"

"Well… I wanna go to a pub." And so we went.



He ordered burgers and fries and beer and it was exactly the heaven I had pictured in my head and it felt too good to be true. It was simple, I know, but when I do it with him it means a lot more.

We ate quietly and comfortably while we watched people pass by the diner in the middle of that patch of land we don't exactly know where. Wondering... endlessly wondering about so many things.

"Is the food that amazing? You're not even talking..." He teased and I let out a soft chuckle automatically.

I sighed contentedly, "Where do you think they come from?"

He eyed me questioningly before looking at the people passing by and then I nodded. "Hmm... They don't exist, Jae. Its all in your head~" Maybe that's one of the reasons I like him a lot. He doesn't say he doesn't know when he doesn't know, he invents something totally unbelievable.

Fast, as in inhumane fast. He was done eating and he was holding onto his camera again. Unfortunately, his subject was me. I've been so immersed with being behind the camera that I don't know what to do in front of it. "You know, you could just let me eat peacefully and not zoom into my face, right?" I said quite sarcastically.

"It's okay, Jae. You're perfect." Here we go with the cheese again but, yeah, I'm just not comfortable with it and I don't know how to take compliments even if they came from him.



Walking along the route we decided to take while waiting for a random bus to come out of nowhere, Yunho was still taking photos. He had finished four rolls of film already and he's not stopping as long as there's loads that took his interest.

That, though, was something I loved about him as well. He had passion, big dreams, his life had direction-



Jaejoong raised an arm to shield himself from another hit and punched Yunho in the face all too quickly. "Fuck," he grunted. He was pulled on the arm and shook him off violently, "Stop this! I'm fuckin' sick and tired of this!" He sped off to the room and got his bags and filled them with clothes.

"Jae! What are you gonna do? Try and leave again?" Yunho's voice echoed throughout the apartment, mocking him again and again.

"Fine!" I'll stay. Tonight. He thought to himself, "Get out! Go out! I don't care what time you go home! Just… I don't want to see your face right now!" He left his things scattered on the floor and laid on the bed after discarding his clothes and locking the bedroom door.

He heard the door slam and he knew the other had complied to his demand.



Jaejoong woke up at dawn, feeling lazy arms over his waist. He held his hand automatically and Yunho cuddled closer, he could feel his breath on his nape.

It was those times when he wished that when they woke up, it'd be just like the way they were in love the first time. Deep but understanding. He hated he can't let go when he knows the wounds are becoming deeper than the love that caused it.

He snapped and pushed him off, straddled him and gave him a taste of his own medicine. His punches flew quickly and forceful, pounding on his chest and kept his tears from falling down his cheeks. Just then, Yunho held his wrists tight and threw him back to the bed. Jaejoong stood up before Yunho traps him again. "Fuck you! Fuck all this!" he said as he picked up a random shirt and a pair of jeans before going for the door. "Don't even dare follow me this time!"

He slammed the door behind him and weaved through the hallway to snatch his wallet and keys. He drove off. Leaving Yunho to think about what he's been doing. Without words, without a single clue if he was coming back because he didn't know himself if he would.

Rash decision? Well it sure brought Yunho back to his senses. Or at least, triggered him to try.




Yunho spent his days lying in bed looking at nothing and blank. The irony is that anything that his eyes seemed to skim upon lead his thoughts to Jaejoong and how much their relationship has changed. To bad.

He used to protect him. Now he's become the pain he was supposed to keep Jaejoong away from. He used to have dreams. Now he's stuck and he doesn't even try anymore. He used to be the sane one. Now he can't even come up with reasons why Jaejoong would even come back. He used to be so alive. Now, he's plain surviving from an injury he inflicted upon himself.

Everything was gone and he knew he had to find a reason to get himself back on track.

He abused Jaejoong and the love Jaejoong has (had) for him. There was too much understanding and tolerating all the emotional and physical pain. It was like being the monster and being loved for it. He knows now it was wrong but he didn't know where to start. All he knew was, I love you too much to just let you go. This is all my fault.




Everybody has limits. No one can blame you for that. Jaejoong has reached his and Yunho can only blame himself for it.



A/N:  Comments and suggestions are much appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Comments

[yozora-yume.livejournal.com]

omg too sad! Yunho is too abusive and if i was in the story i would give him twice the pain!urgh~
too bad this is a oneshot T.T

[all-nostalgia.livejournal.com]

LOL Vengeance can be lovely, yeah? Thanks for reading :)