Pushed Away (2)
Tue, Jul. 5th, 2011 05:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
allnostalgiaHe knew she was strong. At least, strong enough to stand distance and time difference. Kyuhyun had all the confidence in the world to believe so. But no matter how much one thinks that, it wouldn’t come across unless the person itself tries to claim it to be.
But maybe, everything does change in time.
The calls have lessened in three months. The emails have gone shorter and he’d felt that those three words have been uttered too much to still mean something deep and real. He kept his wavering faith in their relationship to himself because he knew it wouldn’t help the fact that Sooyoung was just getting back on track.
To say Sooyoung began retying friendships was an overstatement. It’s not that she didn’t, but it was more of knowing who she’d be willing to do it for. She felt it would be all too fake of her to make an effort after pushing a lot them away easily. She made up her mind that she’s fine being fairly alone, letting her focus on her subjects and finding time to keep up with Kyuhyun.
Well, Changmin was there. They weren’t constantly with each other but they still check up on each other effortlessly. Besides, the boy had a life, too.
It was relatively easy to keep secrets when you’re on different sides of the world. And it kept Sooyoung sane as Kyuhyun tried to figure a way to have a break from school and go back to Korea for her. He was getting more homesick by the day and their few rushed conversations on Skype wouldn’t even make him feel a tad better.
“Kyu, I gotta go, I’ll be binding my thesis book today. Isn’t that great? I’m done with it!”
“Oh, great! Okay, Soo. Try to call me when you get back, by that time I hope I’m still here. Say hi to Min for me, hm?”
“Yes, of course. Take care!”
And she disconnected the call.
It bothered him, she didn’t wait til he’s said he loves her. He thought, maybe, she feels the drift too. And that those words really don’t hold much depth anymore. Kyuhyun breathed deep, the only way to say it anymore is to actually be there and make her feel it still means something to me, an assurance of some sort.
Just then a message alert appeared on the call window, ‘I really miss you.’
Weird, it meant more to him than what he’d wanted to hear, or technically, read. A sense of longing that he didn’t experience alone was assurance enough that they still had what he was afraid of losing.
Maybe, distance wasn’t only some obstacle that changes alone with time. Maybe it was also one to change how you say how you feel. It made things harder, but if you can stand time, how could distance harm you?
-
“CHANGMIN!” He’d recognize that almost squeal anywhere but what dominated his mind was the annoying fact that she was running to him in record speed in the hallways of their department building. He ducked down and Sooyoung smacked his head in the back. He simply laughed it off while he was on the floor. She only wanted to hug him since they haven’t really talked in a couple of weeks.
“What?” he whined, “You didn’t have to announce to the whole floor my name, damn it.”
“Stand up!” She tried to pull him up, “Fine. Anyway, let’s go eat!”
“I just ate.” He finally stood up, lazily.
“That’s no excuse, I know you.” Sooyoung pushed on.
“I have class.” He started walking to the elevators.
“Same, same.” She smiled mockingly.
“Your treat?” She shook her head no instantly, “Eh, no chance.”
“Why is it so hard to spend time with my best friend lately?”
“Well, if you must know-“ Changmin thought for a second, “Fine. I’ll ditch the lecture.” She jumped while clapping her hands in front of his face.
They wasted time descending the stairs while bickering about where they’d eat because apparently, Sooyoung didn’t have any place in mind and it annoyed Changmin a little.
“When’s Kyuhyun coming back? Did he tell you yet?” Sooyoung shrugged as she chewed on her double cheese burger, “He keeps hinting its any time this spring but- I don’t know. I’m excited, though.”
“Poor you, aren’t you? You’re the only one who doesn’t know.” Changmin replied mockingly, “And don’t spit burger on my face.”
“What?! You mean, he told you?” Changmin laughed at her, “Ugh, stupid question, I know. And I won’t even try to get it from you.” He laughed all the more.
“But, don’t girls like that? ‘Surprise, surprise! I’m home, honey!’ All that mushy stuff, you know?”
“Shut up! I’m not that kind of girl, if you hadn’t noticed. What kind of a best friend are you?”
“Really? Well, then, what was that moping for just a few weeks ago?” Sooyoung looked at him, eyes threatening to drill holes in his skull. “I was kidding. Don’t eat my food!”
Sooyoung grabbed more fries from him, bathing it in ketchup like her life depended on tomatoes. “But I’m all better now, right?” She said, more to herself, really, “But what about you? What’ve you been up to?”
“I’m graduating…”
“Wow that is brand new information.”
“…with honors, that’s all.”
“No way!” Sooyoung almost shouted, “Yeah, I know you’re smart and all but you took the minor subjects seriously?!”
“I’m a genius, I don’t have to take them seriously to get good grades! Haven’t you caught on yet? What kind of a best friend are you?” Sooyoung rolled her eyes as he copied the question he threw back at her, trying to copy her voice. But she agreed to him, anyway. He is a genius.
“Does Kyuhyun know already?” She asked randomly and Changmin nodded as he sipped on his cola, “Yeah, yeah, of course. Why did I even have to ask.”
He turned quiet as he finished his meal as Sooyoung did as well. But she was the one who’d ruin the silence, “I’m worried, I think he’s coming back too soon.”
“Trust me, you don’t have to worry now.”
“Are you done? I’ve class in half an hour.” They left the busy food chain and talked more, “You know, when we talk online, its… I don’t know. Different?” She paused, she knew Changmin was listening no matter how weird it was for him to be in between them when they have issues, “Besides the lack of a lot of things, an assurance that he’s not having any doubts would be good. I feel like he’s only talking to me because I asked him for it. I’m practically the one calling all the time.”
“Soo, as much as I want to help you out, I wouldn’t know what to do and I wouldn’t barge in telling him what you think because its supposed to be between you two alone. I can’t solve these issues for you two.”
“I forget that, I’m sorry. Its just- You’re the only one who knows him as much as I do. When I talk to other girls they tell me things that hurt me quite more. It’s all based on passive judgments, the things they say about him.”
“Well, what do you expect?” She didn’t know. And it was one thing she learned from all this chaos she began a few weeks back, most people pretend to be interested in your life to hear the shit you’re going through, but not to help you out on it. “You’re not friends with them like you are with me or Jae hyung or-“
“Yeah, and- Hey, how’s he been? Do you know?”
“He’s good, actually more than good. He said he’s going to Vegas to marry his boyfriend. It’s weird, why Vegas of all places.” Changmin paused, “Anyway, you just don’t have to worry about anything, alright? I mean, its Kyuhyun. He keeps his words. Tell me one time he didn’t keep a promise.” He waited, Sooyoung just shook her head and smiled. “See? Now be a good girlfriend and make him proud of you. Make yourself feel that you deserve the stress he got from begging to come home in the middle of the school year.”
But maybe, everything does change in time.
The calls have lessened in three months. The emails have gone shorter and he’d felt that those three words have been uttered too much to still mean something deep and real. He kept his wavering faith in their relationship to himself because he knew it wouldn’t help the fact that Sooyoung was just getting back on track.
To say Sooyoung began retying friendships was an overstatement. It’s not that she didn’t, but it was more of knowing who she’d be willing to do it for. She felt it would be all too fake of her to make an effort after pushing a lot them away easily. She made up her mind that she’s fine being fairly alone, letting her focus on her subjects and finding time to keep up with Kyuhyun.
Well, Changmin was there. They weren’t constantly with each other but they still check up on each other effortlessly. Besides, the boy had a life, too.
It was relatively easy to keep secrets when you’re on different sides of the world. And it kept Sooyoung sane as Kyuhyun tried to figure a way to have a break from school and go back to Korea for her. He was getting more homesick by the day and their few rushed conversations on Skype wouldn’t even make him feel a tad better.
“Kyu, I gotta go, I’ll be binding my thesis book today. Isn’t that great? I’m done with it!”
“Oh, great! Okay, Soo. Try to call me when you get back, by that time I hope I’m still here. Say hi to Min for me, hm?”
“Yes, of course. Take care!”
And she disconnected the call.
It bothered him, she didn’t wait til he’s said he loves her. He thought, maybe, she feels the drift too. And that those words really don’t hold much depth anymore. Kyuhyun breathed deep, the only way to say it anymore is to actually be there and make her feel it still means something to me, an assurance of some sort.
Just then a message alert appeared on the call window, ‘I really miss you.’
Weird, it meant more to him than what he’d wanted to hear, or technically, read. A sense of longing that he didn’t experience alone was assurance enough that they still had what he was afraid of losing.
Maybe, distance wasn’t only some obstacle that changes alone with time. Maybe it was also one to change how you say how you feel. It made things harder, but if you can stand time, how could distance harm you?
-
“CHANGMIN!” He’d recognize that almost squeal anywhere but what dominated his mind was the annoying fact that she was running to him in record speed in the hallways of their department building. He ducked down and Sooyoung smacked his head in the back. He simply laughed it off while he was on the floor. She only wanted to hug him since they haven’t really talked in a couple of weeks.
“What?” he whined, “You didn’t have to announce to the whole floor my name, damn it.”
“Stand up!” She tried to pull him up, “Fine. Anyway, let’s go eat!”
“I just ate.” He finally stood up, lazily.
“That’s no excuse, I know you.” Sooyoung pushed on.
“I have class.” He started walking to the elevators.
“Same, same.” She smiled mockingly.
“Your treat?” She shook her head no instantly, “Eh, no chance.”
“Why is it so hard to spend time with my best friend lately?”
“Well, if you must know-“ Changmin thought for a second, “Fine. I’ll ditch the lecture.” She jumped while clapping her hands in front of his face.
They wasted time descending the stairs while bickering about where they’d eat because apparently, Sooyoung didn’t have any place in mind and it annoyed Changmin a little.
“When’s Kyuhyun coming back? Did he tell you yet?” Sooyoung shrugged as she chewed on her double cheese burger, “He keeps hinting its any time this spring but- I don’t know. I’m excited, though.”
“Poor you, aren’t you? You’re the only one who doesn’t know.” Changmin replied mockingly, “And don’t spit burger on my face.”
“What?! You mean, he told you?” Changmin laughed at her, “Ugh, stupid question, I know. And I won’t even try to get it from you.” He laughed all the more.
“But, don’t girls like that? ‘Surprise, surprise! I’m home, honey!’ All that mushy stuff, you know?”
“Shut up! I’m not that kind of girl, if you hadn’t noticed. What kind of a best friend are you?”
“Really? Well, then, what was that moping for just a few weeks ago?” Sooyoung looked at him, eyes threatening to drill holes in his skull. “I was kidding. Don’t eat my food!”
Sooyoung grabbed more fries from him, bathing it in ketchup like her life depended on tomatoes. “But I’m all better now, right?” She said, more to herself, really, “But what about you? What’ve you been up to?”
“I’m graduating…”
“Wow that is brand new information.”
“…with honors, that’s all.”
“No way!” Sooyoung almost shouted, “Yeah, I know you’re smart and all but you took the minor subjects seriously?!”
“I’m a genius, I don’t have to take them seriously to get good grades! Haven’t you caught on yet? What kind of a best friend are you?” Sooyoung rolled her eyes as he copied the question he threw back at her, trying to copy her voice. But she agreed to him, anyway. He is a genius.
“Does Kyuhyun know already?” She asked randomly and Changmin nodded as he sipped on his cola, “Yeah, yeah, of course. Why did I even have to ask.”
He turned quiet as he finished his meal as Sooyoung did as well. But she was the one who’d ruin the silence, “I’m worried, I think he’s coming back too soon.”
“Trust me, you don’t have to worry now.”
“Are you done? I’ve class in half an hour.” They left the busy food chain and talked more, “You know, when we talk online, its… I don’t know. Different?” She paused, she knew Changmin was listening no matter how weird it was for him to be in between them when they have issues, “Besides the lack of a lot of things, an assurance that he’s not having any doubts would be good. I feel like he’s only talking to me because I asked him for it. I’m practically the one calling all the time.”
“Soo, as much as I want to help you out, I wouldn’t know what to do and I wouldn’t barge in telling him what you think because its supposed to be between you two alone. I can’t solve these issues for you two.”
“I forget that, I’m sorry. Its just- You’re the only one who knows him as much as I do. When I talk to other girls they tell me things that hurt me quite more. It’s all based on passive judgments, the things they say about him.”
“Well, what do you expect?” She didn’t know. And it was one thing she learned from all this chaos she began a few weeks back, most people pretend to be interested in your life to hear the shit you’re going through, but not to help you out on it. “You’re not friends with them like you are with me or Jae hyung or-“
“Yeah, and- Hey, how’s he been? Do you know?”
“He’s good, actually more than good. He said he’s going to Vegas to marry his boyfriend. It’s weird, why Vegas of all places.” Changmin paused, “Anyway, you just don’t have to worry about anything, alright? I mean, its Kyuhyun. He keeps his words. Tell me one time he didn’t keep a promise.” He waited, Sooyoung just shook her head and smiled. “See? Now be a good girlfriend and make him proud of you. Make yourself feel that you deserve the stress he got from begging to come home in the middle of the school year.”
A/N: This feels weird to write right now and I don't know why I still rewrote it. Wake me up, anybody?
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Re: SPOT!
Date: 2011-07-06 03:34 pm (UTC)ah I don't know. I really like the way you write. :)
Y'know when I read, I don't just read. I also take in the little details; whether this writer focuses more on plot, or on character, or on mood, or whatever friggin' message s/he wants to come across. I've read too many things to actually know the difference between something that would give me a temporal smile or something that will provoke thoughts in my otherwise scattered brain.
I am kinda loose when it comes to plot myself and I haven't even noticed it until a lit professor pointed it out. He says I'm a mood writer. And I should work on it. Because everybody can write something with a hovering mood but not everybody can be a mood writer. I know for sure you are not leaning on mood writing but you are also not plot-based. And that is what I love the most in your stories. There's been quite a lot of plot-heavy stories going all around that most of the times, I forget them unless it's something really astounding.
I am still to learn about the kind of writing that you do but as of now, the only thing I can say is that I love it. :)
Re: SPOT!
Date: 2011-07-09 12:10 pm (UTC)But thank you, man. :) It's nice to know there's people who enjoy reading these random stories.
Re: SPOT!
Date: 2011-07-09 07:28 pm (UTC)well, I do not like to think about myself knowing a lot about things. I want to be forever ignorant; forever curious; forever learning. Char! :))
I remember now what kind of writing your stories remind me of! It reminds me of Ernest Hemingway's works. :)
Re: SPOT!
Date: 2011-07-10 07:34 am (UTC)OMG Does it really? Because I grew up reading some of his works. Only some. Because I'm more of a Ken Kesey or Tom Wolfe reader. Hehehe
Re: SPOT!
Date: 2011-07-10 03:53 pm (UTC)yep! I can't explain it pero ganun yung feel :D