Pushed Away (1)
Sun, Jul. 3rd, 2011 04:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
allnostalgiaHer sister sat beside her on the gutter. Smokes on one hand and a beer bottle on the other. Sooyoung spoke, not minding the cigarette smoke dancing in the air around her hair, “He’s leaving when March comes. I don’t want to be apart but I want him to move forward. I mean, its not everyday you get an opportunity to go places because of hard work, right?”
“You’re stronger than that. If I were in your place, I won’t be too paranoid. Why?” Her sister breathed out puffs again, “Because you’re not the type to be clingy and all too possessive. He’s secure you trust him, and he’s in his right mind to not abuse that nor break it because he trusts you just the same.”
Sooyoung was silent as she pondered her sister’s words. She’d always knock the most sense in her head when she was afloat. When she didn’t want the rest of the world to know of her thoughts, she’d already know.
“I know what you’re thinking, Soo-ah.” She smirked, “He’s a guy… He might get bored with a long distance relationship… All that shit. But there’s no way you’d end up happy without taking risks and making sacrifices.” She handed her bottle of beer and the distressed lady took a sip to relax herself and try to shake off some worry.
-
“People always leave,” she muttered under her breath, to nobody in particular. She was alone in her room, wallowing in thoughts of how he must be doing away from home. Away from her.
Ya’ll know a long distance relationship isn’t an easy deal. Doubts, promises, trust and mistrust, insecurities, worries. It’s more than a handful. That kind of relationship could change you. Obliviously.
Her emotions were all over the place. Sooyoung spent sleepless nights crying over the same question.
Why?
It wasn’t like her. Everyone she was close with noticed.
-
Courage isn’t key to setting your limits but limits are there to give courage a rightful place. Learn that it is nothing if put together with ignorance and carelessness.
Sooyoung had gotten used to the distance. She braved the obstacle with a trusting heart and an independent mindset. It wasn't half bad. Well, supposedly.
To let go of a friend is different, far different, from making one a last resort. She was so swayed by her own tough act that she began being too caught high up by pride to make an effort and keep people in her life. She was unconsciously pulling from society. Convincing herself that she didn't need to be part of it.
What she didn't know was she was driving herself into isolation. Pushing people out of her circle. Filtering friendships according to persistency and initiative to stay despite the cold shoulder.
It hurt those who couldn't red past the act but a best friend isn't a best friend for no reason. He'd figured that this was defense mechanism controlling her decisions to pull away from those whom she thinks doesn't truly care because she'd rather leave than be left behind.
“Kyu, I miss you. Tell me how you’re holding up, okay? I love you!” And every night she convinces herself she's doing good because she doesn’t want it to be a lie. Ironic, really.
-
She snaps when her best friend drags her along for a meal in a local diner they used to frequent. They talk like they always have about anything, jumping from one unlikely topic to another, but it was of a different tone now, "You've changed, Sooyoung."
"Really? How so? Is it okay or disappointing?"
He shrugged it off, continuing his thoughts to spill because he couldn’t stay shut anymore when he knew his best friend was losing herself, “I can see why you’ve been so tough lately, I understand - although, you might find that hard to believe - why you’re so up and up on driving people away.”
Sooyoung looked up to meet his scrutinizing gaze as she chewed, trying to keep her appetite intact while listening to the only person who could be frank about what he thinks of her.
“Remember when Jae-hyung left for NYU, before?” He took a swig of his bottle of lemonade, “We thought we could always be the best of friends despite the distance. We all thought as long as ‘we were under the same sky’ we’d be fine and be the same and nothing would break our friendship that we built since we were children. But what happened?”
“He didn’t have time anymore, okay?”
“No, Sooyoung. He had time, in fact, he made time for us to still keep up on each other. He cared too much and somehow something snapped and we lost that constant contact.”
“He had a job.”
“Yes, he did. And it was our turn to compromise.”
“I tried.”
“No, Soo. You want to know what I saw you did?”
She didn’t speak, she didn’t want to listen to any of it because when he said it, it was only true.
“You whined. You complained. You went out and tried to replace your best friend.”
“I didn’t!”
“Its not that you didn’t, Soo. You can’t. You came around when this same thing happened, I snapped you out of it because you were lonely. You’ve driven me away before, Soo, but I stay. Because I know, no one will learn how to deal with you like he and I do. Its hard when emotions get involved. You know how they drag you around, right?”
She placed her utensils down. “Is it bad? Is it wrong that I’m learning to be strong enough to handle myself?”
“Is that how you make yourself strong?”
“What if it is?”
“Does that answer your question, Soo? If the way you’ve changed is good or not? You’re a smart girl but you let the world get the better of you all the time. I hope that’s what you change, not other things that are actually good for you.”
He knew it had gotten across Sooyoung. He wanted to say more but he didn’t want to put up a fight. Sooyoung didn’t need that. She can’t lose any more when she’d almost lost herself.
A clear whisper of an apology forced a quivering smile back on her lips as her best friend makes way to hold her in his arms as she cried in front of someone for the first time since Kyuhyun left. She knew she had to get herself together.
TBC
“You’re stronger than that. If I were in your place, I won’t be too paranoid. Why?” Her sister breathed out puffs again, “Because you’re not the type to be clingy and all too possessive. He’s secure you trust him, and he’s in his right mind to not abuse that nor break it because he trusts you just the same.”
Sooyoung was silent as she pondered her sister’s words. She’d always knock the most sense in her head when she was afloat. When she didn’t want the rest of the world to know of her thoughts, she’d already know.
“I know what you’re thinking, Soo-ah.” She smirked, “He’s a guy… He might get bored with a long distance relationship… All that shit. But there’s no way you’d end up happy without taking risks and making sacrifices.” She handed her bottle of beer and the distressed lady took a sip to relax herself and try to shake off some worry.
-
“People always leave,” she muttered under her breath, to nobody in particular. She was alone in her room, wallowing in thoughts of how he must be doing away from home. Away from her.
Ya’ll know a long distance relationship isn’t an easy deal. Doubts, promises, trust and mistrust, insecurities, worries. It’s more than a handful. That kind of relationship could change you. Obliviously.
Her emotions were all over the place. Sooyoung spent sleepless nights crying over the same question.
Why?
It wasn’t like her. Everyone she was close with noticed.
-
Courage isn’t key to setting your limits but limits are there to give courage a rightful place. Learn that it is nothing if put together with ignorance and carelessness.
Sooyoung had gotten used to the distance. She braved the obstacle with a trusting heart and an independent mindset. It wasn't half bad. Well, supposedly.
To let go of a friend is different, far different, from making one a last resort. She was so swayed by her own tough act that she began being too caught high up by pride to make an effort and keep people in her life. She was unconsciously pulling from society. Convincing herself that she didn't need to be part of it.
What she didn't know was she was driving herself into isolation. Pushing people out of her circle. Filtering friendships according to persistency and initiative to stay despite the cold shoulder.
It hurt those who couldn't red past the act but a best friend isn't a best friend for no reason. He'd figured that this was defense mechanism controlling her decisions to pull away from those whom she thinks doesn't truly care because she'd rather leave than be left behind.
“Kyu, I miss you. Tell me how you’re holding up, okay? I love you!” And every night she convinces herself she's doing good because she doesn’t want it to be a lie. Ironic, really.
-
She snaps when her best friend drags her along for a meal in a local diner they used to frequent. They talk like they always have about anything, jumping from one unlikely topic to another, but it was of a different tone now, "You've changed, Sooyoung."
"Really? How so? Is it okay or disappointing?"
He shrugged it off, continuing his thoughts to spill because he couldn’t stay shut anymore when he knew his best friend was losing herself, “I can see why you’ve been so tough lately, I understand - although, you might find that hard to believe - why you’re so up and up on driving people away.”
Sooyoung looked up to meet his scrutinizing gaze as she chewed, trying to keep her appetite intact while listening to the only person who could be frank about what he thinks of her.
“Remember when Jae-hyung left for NYU, before?” He took a swig of his bottle of lemonade, “We thought we could always be the best of friends despite the distance. We all thought as long as ‘we were under the same sky’ we’d be fine and be the same and nothing would break our friendship that we built since we were children. But what happened?”
“He didn’t have time anymore, okay?”
“No, Sooyoung. He had time, in fact, he made time for us to still keep up on each other. He cared too much and somehow something snapped and we lost that constant contact.”
“He had a job.”
“Yes, he did. And it was our turn to compromise.”
“I tried.”
“No, Soo. You want to know what I saw you did?”
She didn’t speak, she didn’t want to listen to any of it because when he said it, it was only true.
“You whined. You complained. You went out and tried to replace your best friend.”
“I didn’t!”
“Its not that you didn’t, Soo. You can’t. You came around when this same thing happened, I snapped you out of it because you were lonely. You’ve driven me away before, Soo, but I stay. Because I know, no one will learn how to deal with you like he and I do. Its hard when emotions get involved. You know how they drag you around, right?”
She placed her utensils down. “Is it bad? Is it wrong that I’m learning to be strong enough to handle myself?”
“Is that how you make yourself strong?”
“What if it is?”
“Does that answer your question, Soo? If the way you’ve changed is good or not? You’re a smart girl but you let the world get the better of you all the time. I hope that’s what you change, not other things that are actually good for you.”
He knew it had gotten across Sooyoung. He wanted to say more but he didn’t want to put up a fight. Sooyoung didn’t need that. She can’t lose any more when she’d almost lost herself.
A clear whisper of an apology forced a quivering smile back on her lips as her best friend makes way to hold her in his arms as she cried in front of someone for the first time since Kyuhyun left. She knew she had to get herself together.
TBC
A/N: I've had this typed down since summer vacation but only managed to continue it today
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no subject
Date: 2011-07-03 11:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-03 02:50 pm (UTC)THIS SPOT IS MINE
Date: 2011-07-03 03:23 pm (UTC)Re: THIS SPOT IS MINE
Date: 2011-07-03 03:28 pm (UTC)Sorry, Kyu. :)))))
Re: THIS SPOT IS MINE
Date: 2011-07-03 03:31 pm (UTC)Re: THIS SPOT IS MINE
Date: 2011-07-03 07:31 pm (UTC)may sinusulat akong chaptered changsoo ngayon at grabe, di ko na mabilang kung ilang beses ako nalihis sa original plot. :))
pero sabi nila, ganyan naman raw talaga kapag nagsusulat ka. literature is alive. which is why minsan inuunahan ng character yung writer sa gusto niyang mangyari haha
sa tuwing nangyayari yung ganun, hinahayaan ko na lang. maayos rin naman ang kinalalabasan. binabantayan ko na lang ang plot holes. :D
Re: THIS SPOT IS MINE
Date: 2011-07-04 03:04 pm (UTC)Nagkakaron nga ng sariling pagkatao yung characters na hindi ko namamalayan, nagdedevelop mag-isa.
Astig a~
Re: THIS SPOT IS MINE
Date: 2011-07-04 08:15 pm (UTC)O nga pala, BAT WALA PA TO SA
Re: THIS SPOT IS MINE
Date: 2011-07-05 03:52 am (UTC)Re: THIS SPOT IS MINE
Date: 2011-07-06 04:40 am (UTC)pag ako nagpopost ng mga fics, automatic advertise sa kpop_het, dbsk_het, suju_het, sooyoungfics, shihsin_notes. :))
kapag changsoo/kyuyoung xD
ako na ang dakilang tigspread ng love. lol
Re: THIS SPOT IS MINE
Date: 2011-07-06 01:32 pm (UTC)Re: THIS SPOT IS MINE
Date: 2011-07-06 03:22 pm (UTC)change of tab lang yan hahaha xD
ako na ang mapilit:))Re: THIS SPOT IS MINE
Date: 2011-07-06 04:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-07 03:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-07 03:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-11 08:27 am (UTC)I haven't read any stories about them in ages. And yay it's a tbc~~ I can't wait for the next chapter :D
no subject
Date: 2011-07-11 12:28 pm (UTC)