Someone Like You

Sun, Nov. 6th, 2011 06:38 pm
allnostalgia: (orange min)
[personal profile] allnostalgia

“Hi.” It was surprising he didn’t slam the door on my face and just let me in indifferently. It made me feel like I’m not allowed to show any emotions around him and all I could do was that.

“If you have anything to say, I’m willing to listen.” He says, and its all I could get from him now. I can’t change his mind anymore.

In all honesty, I just wanted to see him for the last time. Bid us a proper goodbye, in a way. I was the one who needed the closure so I could push myself to try to move on.

“Changmin,” his name would always feel most comfortable to say, in any which way I could have had to say it. It held different things close to my heart and it only makes me regret how I’d let uncertainties drift us apart.

Changmin is happiness, love, hope, sense, pride, and understanding, but I didn’t see those things precious back in our time. I had taken him for granted until he got tired. He deserved to know all of those things I had thought of him, and I deserved to be dumped twice all the same for that very reason.

We should have been along side each other while our dreams weaved right out from our heads into the world. But I stopped holding his hand somewhere in between the crossroads.

He sends me off with forgiveness. And the thing with expectations and reality is that you’d feel bittersweet about the difference. I had hoped for friendship, although I knew it was absurd.

“Jaejoong, I’m sure you understand.” And then the very last thing he told me before I walked idly to the bus stop willed the tears in my eyes to never shed, “You still deserve to be happy.”

I wished he wouldn’t forget me – us, because I know I’d never. The person who’d taught you love would leave a mark on you until the end of so-called time. It’s been over a thousand days since that fateful turn of events and I’m still right where he left me.

Waiting. For who-knows-what. Until one day I found out it was for nothing.

It was about time I took a step out of the way, got lost, and then found again.

A/N: Worst case of LSS I've ever had, coming in at the same time of the worst heartbreak I've ever felt. Whut a sap. Okay, enough.
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