allnostalgia: (paul)
[personal profile] allnostalgia

Love stories.
Well, they can be sappy… in ignorance’s point of view.

The point is that at a certain time it all seems to make sense and then it hits you – you’re just like every other foolishly in love human being out there. It has changed you without you even knowing it.

A passion. A life. A song. Whatever conforming force that makes one want to feel loved to be contented. Infatuation. A misconception – that after all, you were just in love with the idea that you were in love with someone.

Jaejoong had another long day ahead of him when they bumped into each other along the halls of the Fine Arts Building in Kwanghee. It’s been around three weeks since they last saw each other that he had forgotten what he used to mean to him. Or so he thought he used to. Apparently, his presence would always be a reminder. He doubted that he’d ever get over that thought.

Yunho approached him, smiling that bright smile that could possibly light up a black hole, as he absent-mindedly walked to the elevators, “I haven’t seen you around. How have you been?”

He lethargically stared at him for a few moments, “Ah- I don’t know, sleepless?” He rubs comforting circles on Jaejoong’s tired back, and then slings his arm lightly over his shoulder.

He sways him into the elevator, preventing him from people who pushed around in hurry. They skip a few floors and get on his floor, “I’ll see you around,” he says and waves him off before getting into class. Late. Again. He kept myself from looking back.

Since then, he’d see him regularly. In the halls, the galleries, in the restaurants he frequent, at tea places and at the smoking shed near the campus gate. And then Yunho was relevant to him again. He’d sit over at his table and talk like how they used to.

“I’m having my first one-man exhibit in about a month, would you come?” Jaejoong asked, convincing himself that it was all out of courtesy and not because he wanted him there when he takes a step forward to making his dreams happen because he was actually that important to him.

“Yeah, definitely! Congratulations!” He says enthusiastically. A little too enthusiastically to be true, but he didn’t see it that way then, “Just remind me a couple of days before, I promise I’ll be there.”

That is the first thing Jaejoong will hold on to.

A push-and-pull gives you answers to the fluttering questions in your head. It does, but nobody is ever certain that the answers you get are correct. He took a few days off from school just because he can. He wasn’t all that enthusiastic about the latter months of first semester. It was that obnoxious feeling between using laziness as a reason for waiting for a muse, or having no muse as an excuse to laze around. Either way, the artist loses to the hope of epiphany – a savior that will get him through finals.

Yunho doesn’t notice that, of course. All the while, he simply thinks Jaejoong is busy freelancing.

Because, then again, what was he to Yunho to even push him away and hope that he’ll be waiting to be pulled back? Pathetic.

“Are you busy?” He rings him up one late night while he was really busying on freelance layout works.

“I am quite busy, why?” Jaejoong tells him monotonously, deeming himself convincingly uninterested.

“Do you happen to have anything I can get ideas from for an infographic video?”

“Why don’t you look online? Have you tried that? I mean, shit is all over tumblr.”

“I have, there’s barely anything decent.” He sounded weird, like holding himself from stooping lower than he already is as an artist.

“Decent or easy enough to copy?” Yunho laughs at that, and says, “You know me well…”

“What’s it for?” Jaejoong doesn’t know what got into him to say it. Usually he was a meannie who doesn’t give a rat’s ass about someone else’s artist block, “I’ll help you.”

“Holy-! Really?! Its an infographic video about the university,” he explains, far from calm. He can imagine Yunhho rolling on the floor of his dorm room and then jumping up, rubbing his scalp in relief.

“Explain it to me in detail before I change my mind.” He demands, and Yunho obeys in a snap.

He gives him a template by morning and Yunho calls him up when he sees it, almost screaming into the phone about his amazement and all. Jaejoong jokes about having to get paid because, apparently, he spent a good four hours on it. He never told him he lost sleep, and never did he tell him about not meeting his morning deadline for the layouts, too.

A part of him never wanted Yunho to worry. But what surprised him was the part of him that would set everything aside for the man. He saw it wrong, but never wanted to think of the reasons why. And then that part of him that got excited when he said he’d pay him with a real date is another story.

Jaejoong thought Yunho needed him. Too.

The second thing he holds on to.

“I promise, one of these days I’ll treat you out! I owe you a lot!”

And then the third.

He thinks it honestly immature to have a few more little things that make him not set himself free. Like things he’d lent Yunho that he still haven’t returned. Little favors he does for Jaejoong out of the blue. And, the comfort of Yunho’s embraces when he’s about to break from the pressure of everything coming at him all at once, full-speed.

It gives Jaejoong reasons to still talk to him.

And be spoiled because Yunho owes him.

If anyone ever notices how they are around each other, it would be a big problem.

Or not… because, maybe, it was guilt talking.

Even if those promises weren’t materialized, he’d think its simply because he wasn’t somebody to demand from him anymore because Yunho is already someone else’s.

Never was there a time that feelings were settled because it was hard to create closure when they know for a fact that there were little remnants of the past that still lingers in the air only the two of them breathed.

It’s a billow of emotions, waiting to crash into another one to finally pour out.

Maybe, that’s the only way to end it.

Love stories.

They can be nasty… to a timid soul.

Jaejoong thinks its only the heart that can judge what a love story is. No matter how strong or weak yours is.

A/N: I'm depressed, leave me be. Whatever.
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July 2012

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