Intuition & Commitment [4]

[allnostalgia]

Walking along the brick paths of his university, Yunho felt light headed and sleepy. The stress of his midterm requirements was catching up to him but nonetheless, he was more relaxed than he’d been in months. His thoughts of self-doubt had also been crushing his enthusiasm lately, Jaejoong is quite appalled but he tries not to get affected by it. Somebody’s gotta be strong for them, he keeps in mind.

His phone rings in his pocket and it was, of course, whom he’d expected, “Hey,” he answers.

“You’re thinking too much again,” he replies, “Walk faster, I’m at the gate, I can see you!” Yunho looks up and sees him waving gently before hanging up.

He wraps his arms around Yunho immediately, and the other sags against him with a deep breath. He entwines their hands and locks their fingers before moving along. “We’re walking to work today.” He says with a smile on his face.

“Jae,” he squeezes his hand, “Tell me why you’re so sure about this, please?”

“Well, you know where I’m coming from and yet you still stayed.” Jaejoong looks at him, uncertainty was dusting those eyes he loved looking into and he wanted to know why Yunho acted this way, “W-was I wrong about something, Yunho?”

They walk further and turns at the park entrance, “Its not that, Jae. I’m not so sure about myself. You’re putting in so much of yourself and I’m not even worth the risk.”

Jaejoong smiles at him, “What makes you think that? I came onto you, didn’t I? We let things happen in their own time. What could we do wrong? Why would you doubt yourself when other people have trusted you? Plus-”

Yunho let go of his hand slowly and started talking quite inaudibly, “We were not supposed to let it get this far, remember? It was wrong for me to ask you out, to start something we know would end when the time comes. I wasn’t supposed to love you like I do now because it would be harder to let you go when they set you up with a bride you don’t even know. We shouldn’t have given you any reason to defy and break a promise you made with your parents.”

“I never forgot about that. But what’s wrong with taking a chance at this?”

“I’ll tell you the truth, Jae, I’m scared. It hurts to know you trust me so much but I don’t even have anything to convince myself why you do.”

“Why are you pushing me away, if that’s the case? If you don’t trust yourself enough, at least, try giving me that. Depend on me. We’ll have to live for each other, don’t we? When one of us hits rock bottom, the other would live for both of us, right? We can’t force to walk this path like it’s a two-way street when it’s a single lane laid out in front of us.”

Yunho figures Jaejoong would have seemed naïve at the beginning of all this but he’s got it all figured out faster than Yunho thought he could have himself. He knew what he was talking about and he sounded too stern for any more doubts to creep up into his consciousness. He feels his heart settle at the deepest creases of his system when Jaejoong retrieves his hand in his before they walk in the direction of the restaurant.

“I wish you would tell me everything you’re thinking.” Jaejoong tells him.

“Hey, isn’t today your last day at work?” the thought suddenly pops up in Yunho’s mind, “What do you want for a gift?”

“Hm… I don’t really want anyth- Oh…” he’s got everything he wanted, really, “How about you stop over thinking and make me feel assured that we’re in this together, hm?”

Yunho nods, kissing the top of Jaejoong’s head and inhaling his scent, making Jaejoong smile, knowing Yunho would be back on track soon.


Their shifts end but unlike usual, Jaejoong bids them goodbye along with his deep drawn gratitude. He’s learnt a lot more than just what his job there was about, but it was all for him to know and for everyone else to be oblivious about. Yunho waited for him at the back exit.

The door swoops open and reveals a very excited Jaejoong, interrupting a conversation between Yunho and Yoochun, “Let’s go?”

They arrive at the apartment in roughly fifteen minutes, “Stay?” Jaejoong says casually as he pulls him in. “I have requirements to finish, Jae.” Yunho replies, and his eyes start doing their job of pleading silently. As much as Yunho loved it when Jaejoong needed him there, sometimes he just hated when he couldn’t say ‘no’.

“I wouldn’t mind if you did them here, I love watching you paint.” And Yunho stays the night, painting until the sun rose over the horizon as Jaejoong fell asleep halfway through. He smiles, remembering how he’d finished a piece just as Jaejoong surrendered to slumber and then he began sketching the beautiful boy on the beanbag scattered on the rug.

He was getting himself a cup of coffee when Jaejoong stirred awake, “Yunho?”

“Oh, good morning, love!”

“You haven’t slept,” Jaejoong absent-mindedly comments, “Your eye bags are insane.”

“Coffee?”

“Did you finish it?” He asks before he sips from Yunho’s hot cup of caffeine.

“Yeah, I did. And a few sketches as well. But I have to head home, soon. I have class in a couple of hours. Hm?”

“I’ll drive you home.” Jaejoong offers as he stands up to wrap his arms around Yunho’s waist from behind.



On days that they could go home together, Jaejoong would drop by at Yunho’s university to pick him up. Sometimes, they’d see each other on random whims, and less often, he’d stay over at Yunho’s house just because. It was becoming too good for them that they’re, little by little, losing to the thought that it might just slip out of their hands one day soon.

“Yunho,” Jaejoong softly coos, “Are you awake?” He smacks his head mentally at his own stupid question. “No, no I’m not.” Yunho whispers, his breath tickling Jaejoong’s nape, making him squirm as it sent goosebumps up his arms.

He loved the feeling of being in Yunho’s arms when he sleeps, he felt like a puzzle piece that snug perfectly onto another, creating a perfect picture. It was assuring, yet it held something far more fathomless than what he could tell himself, than what his and Yunho’s hearts could put a finger on.

“Hmmm… Hypothetically, if I asked you to move in with me- just hypothetically, would you?” He asks after some moments of hesitation.

“Yes, hypothetically.” Yunho whispers his answer. His eyes opening as Jaejoong turns in his arms to look at him. “What?”

“What about in reality?”

“That’s- Well, okay. Honestly, I’d love that. It would make you see how much of a lazy ass I am at home, and it would ruin the perfect image of me you have,” Jaejoong chuckles at that, “But…”

“Butt?”

“Whose butt?”

“I don’t know you started it.”

“Seriously,” Yunho clears his throat, “It wouldn’t be as easy as you think it would. Besides, aren’t you contented with these little escapades we have? It makes me feel that we’re real. Anything else, too good for us, makes this seem like some set-up that would end at one point.”

“Don’t you want to at least, try?”

“Where? And in whose world?”

Jaejoong stares at him blankly, “Yours,” he says, “I don’t want to become what my father wants me to be.”

“Can you tell me about that escape plan of yours?” The now-awake man asks him a bit mockingly.

“Yunho…” he whines.

“I’m serious, what do you plan to do? It wouldn’t be that easy and you perfectly understand why.”

“But you said so yourself, ‘nothing worth is ever easy’,” imitating the other man’s voice with a tinge of all-knowingness, “Besides, they haven’t actually… really told me… officially… You know, about it… technically.” Yunho looks at him, expressionless, “Come on, don’t you have anything to say?”

“I don’t know what to say. I’m sleepy, my brain’s not functioning.”

“Fine, you don’t want to live with me, then don’t!”

“Goodnight.” Yunho kisses his forehead but he refuses to budge. He pushes him to the other side of the bed before curling in on himself and surrenders to sleep.


Jaejoong hasn’t called in exactly four days, twelve hours and fifty-seven minutes. And, he’s ignoring Yunho’s calls too. He hasn’t shown up at the café like he used to, neither does he pick him up at university. Worry was catching up to him as the aftermath of finishing all his finals requirements settled. He’d left a lot of messages be it voicemail or text but he never got a call back or a reply.

He’d had hunches of maybe it was because of that night when he didn’t entertain what Jaejoong had wanted. He refused to give in to that picture perfect scenario because he doesn’t want to mix up reality and it together unless, Jaejoong settles everything with his parents and the boy had to understand that.

Yunho giving in on everything he’d asked for had spoiled him, and it wasn’t a healthy habit. He’d been high on worry, and it showed. His friends over at the restaurant had asked him about it, too. Where, why, how, what, for how long… And he didn’t know what to answer to them. His thoughts were going on overdrive and every time his phone rings, he’d wish it was finally him again.

The tinkle of the desk bell at the reception took him out of his reverie. He’d been spacing out a lot lately, too. A monotonous greeting slipped out of his lips before he proceeded to leading another customer to her table. “Yunho-sshi,” her voice rang his consciousness and brings him to a slow realization that it was Jaejoong’s grandmother, “He hasn’t been showing up, has he?” A knowing smile was plastered on her face as she spoke, making him glower in hope that she might give him some answers.

“He hasn’t, at all,” Yunho replied, to which she instantly retorts, “What happened the last time you saw each other?”

“Jae asked if we could move in together,” her eyes widened for a moment, “But I told him we can’t. Living together is a whole different setting, it’s a whole leap to take.”

“I should say, you’re really different. Any other girl, or guy, would jump on that opportunity,” she says as she started reading the menu, “But I don’t think he understands that yet. And right now, he’s pulling off a push-and-pull on you until he gets what he wants. I assume you know how to deal with that?”

“Well, I-” Yunho slowly slouches in on himself, “Actually, I don’t, or maybe, but its impossible to get a hold of him in the past few days.” He decides he wouldn’t give in, he’d prove that it would be better If the spoiled boy learned to take ‘no’ for an answer once in a while. They had to grow up first before making another move. Practically, moving in together after just a couple of months of dating is like delving into a vineyard of mishaps.

She nods in understanding, as if she was assuring him that they’d get through this and that Jaejoong would budge in the end. If she would say so herself, Yunho could have the upper hand in this relationship, not that it was a huge deal to consider. “You could handle him, you have peace of mind,” She’s running out of vague things to say, “Anyway, I think I’ve disturbed you from doing your job too much, I’ll have Salmon Ravioli and your house wine, please.”

“Alright, ma’am, I’ll be back with your order.” He bows before turning for the kitchen.


Jaejoong hadn’t been attending classes for three consecutive days, bumming around his cold home while chattering with his maids about whatever and bugging them with questions if any of them has a boyfriend.

“I mean, what’s so bad about moving in together?” he rants away to nobody in particular, “Wouldn’t it be nice to wake up and see him first thing in the morning?”

Jaejoong heaves a sigh. He doesn’t get why nobody was standing up for him on this one, and why was he the only one who looked at it at a very positive angle? Although, things that have been said were lingering in his mind, opening more cons to what he wanted. He wanted to punch anybody on the face just for the heck of it. He huffs as he steps out of his room finally, “Fine.”



“Hello Mister,” he picks up the phone and is greeted by a frustrated Jaejoong.

“You finally called, what did I do to deserve that punishment?” Yunho replied, relief evident in his voice.

“Surprise, surprise!” Jaejoong laughs while Yunho wallows in his mixed emotions.

- - -


a/n; jsyk, if ever you bother reading this note... i appreciate comments a lot, its just that i don't know how to reply to them properly... and i say the same thing over and over, which is, "thanks for reading!" so... yeah... and most of the time, because of my own unhealthy habits in real life, i am not in condition to reply. my brain's fried as of this moment.