Wish it. Want it. Do it.

[allnostalgia]

Denial is probably the worst state one has to go through. It adds up on confusion and then you’re on your way to losing yourself to conformity. It isn’t easy, but it isn’t that difficult as well.

An open mind would take you places, would teach you things and would make you happier. Maybe that’s how the world would get peace, if every single one of its people had an open mind. He thinks to himself, and then he moves on with that random conclusion.

Who the fuck would care if he was gay? He’s a genius, he’s talented, he has an intriguing personality and he’s far better looking than most straight men, anyway, girls can just cry. Shim Changmin was beginning to accept that he might just be in love with his best friend.

He need not know, or maybe not yet. He doesn’t think about it often. Changmin sees Kyuhyun everyday and the mere thought of having to confess was terrifying, if he may honestly say so. It was weird that he wasn’t scared of anything and then this comes along.


He completely blanks out these days. Having nothing more to talk about because his thoughts would linger a little too long on Kyuhyun. They’d meet up with a few other friends and he just sits there, right beside the boy and avoiding his eyes.

He wants to get away for a while and it was good that they were having promotions abroad. Less time with him means less worries of being found out. He can just move on without doing the boy any damage, without their friendship changing because of a not-so-little secret.

Changmin knows that’s impossible since they’ve always kept in touch no matter where in the world both of them could be. He wasn’t going to lose into hoping that Kyuhyun felt the same for him because it was anything but sensible.

He doesn’t relent, though. He knows that it would be more suspicious if he stopped their usual antics.

He still had his head over his heart – typical Shim Changmin.


He sets foot back in Korea after a couple of months of unending promotions, performances, photo shoots, interviews, guestings and what not. Needless to say, he was tired physically. That he lets his friends know. He skips a night out and unwinds alone at home.

The next time they see each other, he’s welcomed in an ironic embrace of strength and soothing warmth. He gets into the bar with them. Watched them drink as he passes every other round of shots.

Most of them are halfway wasted and are beginning to spew nonsense into the conditioned air of the room. He laughs at them, recording a few moments that would be good blackmail material, he teases them and Kyuhyun laughs extra hard at that. It wasn’t even that funny.

Come to think of it, he laughs at every attempt of a joke Changmin throws, not that he’s not that funny, but he laughs a little too loud and he laughs a little too soon that it hints a little awkwardness.

Nonsense aside, he’d always try to find a way to never make him feel like he’s ever away. Like things were always how they are the last time they met.

It gets to Changmin and he’s finding it hard to outgrow being in love with Kyuhyun. They’re both making an effort to stay unchanged.


Changmin takes a different approach to everything from then on. At least, he’s sure, they’d never lose this friendship. That when he’s convinced himself that it’s always better to find contentment than ask for something more, create expectations and then destroy everything with disappointments.

He wouldn’t say it’s easy. He doesn’t lie about love.


Kyuhyun had once randomly commented on that habit of his, when Changmin keeps everything to himself that it makes him feel useless as a friend who’s just waiting around to give his own two cents at anything. He tells him that he tries.

Changmin assures him that he doesn’t have to. He tells Kyuhyun that he’d always be the best friend one could ask for and that he’s found that truth because he’s completely happy.

There might be something wrong with what he said when Kyuhyun eyes him a little differently. It was overwhelming, he admits, when the boy does things that can make his heart beat undeniably faster.

"You are?" Kyuhyun asks. He doesn’t answer and just shrugs, thinking up of excuses that would seem to make up for that chip off the snark.

"Yeah, I mean, I get to watch y’all make a fool out of yourselves for free." He smirks that all knowing smirk he knows is always convincing.

But he doesn’t fool the other boy.


He’s invited to Kyuhyun’s sister’s engagement party in the middle of June. He goes, of course. But not just as Kyuhyun’s friend who eventually became friends with his sister, too, but as his date.

"You’re his date." He nods at the statement as if it was a question, and she smiles at them with tears brimming in her eyes. "I never would have thought- But- how did it come to this?" The happiness was evident in her voice. She was the only one who knew in the family. Yet.

"Noona, you’re make up will smudge. Don’t cry." Changmin starts off. "It’s not your relationship, anyway." Kyuhyun adds.


It was mid-March then, when it began. Changmin told him that there’s been a lot in his mind lately because he hasn’t been talking to him much. He keeps it to himself that despite trying hard to just let the feeling die, it just keeps growing stronger.

He confesses. Readying himself for a rejection when Kyuhyun hugs him the same way he always does.

And they start off with a little game of FIFA 2011 on that abused XBOX console to celebrate the beginning of a probable enigmatic love story.



A/N: I just tried it out because Kyuhyun is ruining my bias list.