allnostalgia (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
allnostalgia) wrote2011-07-09 07:55 pm
allnostalgia) wrote2011-07-09 07:55 pm
Entry tags:
Pushed Away (3)
Sooyoung had this knack for over thinking. She can’t stop and decide once and at once. She’d always find ways to make things complicated for herself and she doesn’t even feel it, she’d just get the picture when she’s already drowning herself in her own selfless yet selfish thoughts, ending up doubting everything around her.
Kyuhyun had gone back to Korea just a day ago. Changmin picked him up at the airport and went straight to university to wait for Sooyoung’s class to be over.
The girl practically forgot about composure and almost cried when she’d absorbed that he’s really here, finally, with her again. The smile she wore wouldn’t come off until Kyuhyun told her he’d only be staying for two weeks. But still, she’d spend lots of time with him while he’s here, she thought. She’s excited. He’s nervous. He felt something different between them and it was not making him smile like she can, or – used to.
Dragging around the campus in the afternoon, skipping general subjects and talking about how he’d been doing in NYU. It started off light, exchanging inside jokes they’re thankful they still shared, gradually getting serious until they reached the topic Sooyoung dreaded quite terribly.
“They offered me advanced classes until next year.” Kyuhyun revealed, earning a shocked glance from Sooyoung, her eyes glinting of moisture she’s keeping from forming into tears, “I’m still thinking about it. I’d rather study masterals here but-”
“How long have you known this?”
“A month.”
Her heart tightened, her voice trying so hard to be audible, “And you never told me. I know we only talk, like, a couple of times a week but when we do I try to know everything you’re up to.” She stifles her almost-sobs, “At least, I try. But honestly, sometimes I feel like there are more things you keep than say. And this is one of the few times that I hate that I seem right.”
Kyuhyun took a deep breath, his thoughts filtering away unwanted truths because he doesn’t want to lie, he doesn’t want to pretend and he doesn’t want to hurt her all the more. He knew he had to figure out a way to tell her everything he’d been feeling. The confusion, wavering, the shaken strength of his faith in them… but he knew if he waited longer, Sooyoung will discover it on her own and take it all the wrong way. He had to think fast, or maybe, as much as he hated admitting it, he’d want his heart to drive it out of him for once.
“It used to be easier for us to solve things like this, you know? Because you told me everything I deserve to know.”
It was bound to be difficult when he’d become too serious that he’d forgotten to take a breather for his own sake. One thing goes wrong and just like some domino effect, it all falls apart.
She didn’t sleep well, it was all the same when he left and even now that he’s back, it feels like he really isn’t. Her thoughts had been eating at her since she walked out on him the previous day. Today, she’d not want to see him. So much for spending some quality time.
Immersed in her own world in the library a couple of days later, she doesn’t notice a particular presence beside her, trying to get her attention. He pokes her cheek once and earns and eye roll in return. “Leave me alone~” She quietly begs as Changmin mockingly smiles at her.
“He’s waiting for you outside, he says he wants to talk.” His voice was soft but stern, he knows what’s going on and Sooyoung reads that. She sighs, slowly packing her things so they could get this over with. As soon as she’s done, he stands up and goes back to his own desk. “Listen to him, hm? You’re not the only one who had a difficult time.”
She peeks out from the check out counter near the lobby and sees he’s waiting in the foyer. Looking quite drenched in his own sad thoughts, his usually expressionless face actually shows it. Seeming to be going with the weather’s gloomy dullness.
“Hey.” Her voice was soft and sympathizing, she goes in for an embrace and he gives her a tight reassuring one while kissing her hair. He releases a deep breath when she lets go. “I’m here to listen.”
He grabs her hand and they walk into the café beside the library. He orders, of course he knows what she likes and they sit in the back, a cozy couch with a low table in front. It was quiet. He began with an apology, his reasons coming out one by one and Sooyoung could feel their hearts wringing in suffocation. “I can’t let you hold yourself back from everyone else. You understand perfectly what I mean when you told me the same thing when I told you about my scholarship. I was surprised when you turned around on it.”
Kyuhyun found it in himself to hold on and realize how far he’s willing to go to save their relationship, he wanted to know if Sooyoung had it in her too. He tried to keep her emotions intact as he spoke, choosing words carefully. “We have to grow up, don’t we? This thing we’re going through, it doesn’t end anything. Not this so-called young love, right? I think, if we get this over with, we’d be a notch stronger than we think we’d ever be. Its just that, life is taking its toll on us, it keeps happening and what we have to do is happen as well. Keep up with it.”
She never saw it that way. It was always just her in all her thoughts. Forgetting that life didn’t always go as she wanted, that she wasn’t the center of it. It didn’t cross her mind that he’d have a hard time, too. She had been too blinded by his willingness to go away to think that is was an opportunity for her to make herself, as well. She felt so naïve, immature and selfish to the point that her guilt was written on her face.
“Don’t feel bad. I knew you were having a hard time, too. That’s why I wanted to see you. I wanted to come home because it was so different when we talk online. It makes everything feel farther than half the world really is.” His voice was brightening up slowly, and his smile was returning to his face.
Sooyoung holds his hand in hers and plays with his fingers. Whispering apologies for different reasons. The corners of her lips starting to lift, the same time as her spirits.
They’ve talked, it wasn’t quite easy hearing the other side of the story that wasn’t really easier than hers but it would work. They’d make it work. They know better now. And they pretty much have an idea that things are always easier said than done.
Changmin leaves his spot in the café before the couple finishes their half full cups of latte, his heart swelling in mixed emotions of false-hope and happiness.
He talks to Jaejoong again. Venting his frustrations of being a perfect best friend but a loser in love. Being they hyung, Jaejoong talks him out of it and tells him to get over it before he sends him a ticket to America to pull him away from her. It was a mean joke, really. He still felt I tad bitter about how Sooyoung just let their friendship wither like that but he’d always be willing to forgive her if she’d just approach him herself.
“Oh yeah, she’d asked me about you, you know?”
“The usual, ‘Oh yeah, how’s he doing?’ kind of thing?”
Changmin laughs at how Jaejoong perfectly copies how Sooyoung says it. “Yes, hyung, that’s exactly how it goes~”
“What’d you tell her?”
“Of course, I’d tell her what you tell me. We’re still friends, remember?”
“But Min, you have to promise me you’ll get over her, okay?” Jaejoong’s face morphs into a worried one, but still smiling a bit, “I don’t want you isolating yourself from the world because of love.” The younger man laughs again.
“Why do you keep making fun of her, hyung?”
“I don’t know, it makes us feel better, doesn’t it? Admit it, be honest with me. Knowing you, you make fun of her for it too!”
“Y-yeah, well, I can’t stand it when she’s being stupid because she’s really not!”
“See? See? So how about you remind yourself of how stupid she can get so you can get over her quicker, hm?”
“Hyung, you have the silliest ideas.”
The older man chuckles, “But you’ll give it a try, won’t you?” Changmin nods as his silent laugh almost suffocates him.
Jaejoong thinks to himself, what would have happened if Changmin liked Sooyoung first?
Kyuhyun had gone back to Korea just a day ago. Changmin picked him up at the airport and went straight to university to wait for Sooyoung’s class to be over.
The girl practically forgot about composure and almost cried when she’d absorbed that he’s really here, finally, with her again. The smile she wore wouldn’t come off until Kyuhyun told her he’d only be staying for two weeks. But still, she’d spend lots of time with him while he’s here, she thought. She’s excited. He’s nervous. He felt something different between them and it was not making him smile like she can, or – used to.
Dragging around the campus in the afternoon, skipping general subjects and talking about how he’d been doing in NYU. It started off light, exchanging inside jokes they’re thankful they still shared, gradually getting serious until they reached the topic Sooyoung dreaded quite terribly.
“They offered me advanced classes until next year.” Kyuhyun revealed, earning a shocked glance from Sooyoung, her eyes glinting of moisture she’s keeping from forming into tears, “I’m still thinking about it. I’d rather study masterals here but-”
“How long have you known this?”
“A month.”
Her heart tightened, her voice trying so hard to be audible, “And you never told me. I know we only talk, like, a couple of times a week but when we do I try to know everything you’re up to.” She stifles her almost-sobs, “At least, I try. But honestly, sometimes I feel like there are more things you keep than say. And this is one of the few times that I hate that I seem right.”
Kyuhyun took a deep breath, his thoughts filtering away unwanted truths because he doesn’t want to lie, he doesn’t want to pretend and he doesn’t want to hurt her all the more. He knew he had to figure out a way to tell her everything he’d been feeling. The confusion, wavering, the shaken strength of his faith in them… but he knew if he waited longer, Sooyoung will discover it on her own and take it all the wrong way. He had to think fast, or maybe, as much as he hated admitting it, he’d want his heart to drive it out of him for once.
“It used to be easier for us to solve things like this, you know? Because you told me everything I deserve to know.”
It was bound to be difficult when he’d become too serious that he’d forgotten to take a breather for his own sake. One thing goes wrong and just like some domino effect, it all falls apart.
She didn’t sleep well, it was all the same when he left and even now that he’s back, it feels like he really isn’t. Her thoughts had been eating at her since she walked out on him the previous day. Today, she’d not want to see him. So much for spending some quality time.
Immersed in her own world in the library a couple of days later, she doesn’t notice a particular presence beside her, trying to get her attention. He pokes her cheek once and earns and eye roll in return. “Leave me alone~” She quietly begs as Changmin mockingly smiles at her.
“He’s waiting for you outside, he says he wants to talk.” His voice was soft but stern, he knows what’s going on and Sooyoung reads that. She sighs, slowly packing her things so they could get this over with. As soon as she’s done, he stands up and goes back to his own desk. “Listen to him, hm? You’re not the only one who had a difficult time.”
She peeks out from the check out counter near the lobby and sees he’s waiting in the foyer. Looking quite drenched in his own sad thoughts, his usually expressionless face actually shows it. Seeming to be going with the weather’s gloomy dullness.
“Hey.” Her voice was soft and sympathizing, she goes in for an embrace and he gives her a tight reassuring one while kissing her hair. He releases a deep breath when she lets go. “I’m here to listen.”
He grabs her hand and they walk into the café beside the library. He orders, of course he knows what she likes and they sit in the back, a cozy couch with a low table in front. It was quiet. He began with an apology, his reasons coming out one by one and Sooyoung could feel their hearts wringing in suffocation. “I can’t let you hold yourself back from everyone else. You understand perfectly what I mean when you told me the same thing when I told you about my scholarship. I was surprised when you turned around on it.”
Kyuhyun found it in himself to hold on and realize how far he’s willing to go to save their relationship, he wanted to know if Sooyoung had it in her too. He tried to keep her emotions intact as he spoke, choosing words carefully. “We have to grow up, don’t we? This thing we’re going through, it doesn’t end anything. Not this so-called young love, right? I think, if we get this over with, we’d be a notch stronger than we think we’d ever be. Its just that, life is taking its toll on us, it keeps happening and what we have to do is happen as well. Keep up with it.”
She never saw it that way. It was always just her in all her thoughts. Forgetting that life didn’t always go as she wanted, that she wasn’t the center of it. It didn’t cross her mind that he’d have a hard time, too. She had been too blinded by his willingness to go away to think that is was an opportunity for her to make herself, as well. She felt so naïve, immature and selfish to the point that her guilt was written on her face.
“Don’t feel bad. I knew you were having a hard time, too. That’s why I wanted to see you. I wanted to come home because it was so different when we talk online. It makes everything feel farther than half the world really is.” His voice was brightening up slowly, and his smile was returning to his face.
Sooyoung holds his hand in hers and plays with his fingers. Whispering apologies for different reasons. The corners of her lips starting to lift, the same time as her spirits.
They’ve talked, it wasn’t quite easy hearing the other side of the story that wasn’t really easier than hers but it would work. They’d make it work. They know better now. And they pretty much have an idea that things are always easier said than done.
Changmin leaves his spot in the café before the couple finishes their half full cups of latte, his heart swelling in mixed emotions of false-hope and happiness.
He talks to Jaejoong again. Venting his frustrations of being a perfect best friend but a loser in love. Being they hyung, Jaejoong talks him out of it and tells him to get over it before he sends him a ticket to America to pull him away from her. It was a mean joke, really. He still felt I tad bitter about how Sooyoung just let their friendship wither like that but he’d always be willing to forgive her if she’d just approach him herself.
“Oh yeah, she’d asked me about you, you know?”
“The usual, ‘Oh yeah, how’s he doing?’ kind of thing?”
Changmin laughs at how Jaejoong perfectly copies how Sooyoung says it. “Yes, hyung, that’s exactly how it goes~”
“What’d you tell her?”
“Of course, I’d tell her what you tell me. We’re still friends, remember?”
“But Min, you have to promise me you’ll get over her, okay?” Jaejoong’s face morphs into a worried one, but still smiling a bit, “I don’t want you isolating yourself from the world because of love.” The younger man laughs again.
“Why do you keep making fun of her, hyung?”
“I don’t know, it makes us feel better, doesn’t it? Admit it, be honest with me. Knowing you, you make fun of her for it too!”
“Y-yeah, well, I can’t stand it when she’s being stupid because she’s really not!”
“See? See? So how about you remind yourself of how stupid she can get so you can get over her quicker, hm?”
“Hyung, you have the silliest ideas.”
The older man chuckles, “But you’ll give it a try, won’t you?” Changmin nods as his silent laugh almost suffocates him.
Jaejoong thinks to himself, what would have happened if Changmin liked Sooyoung first?
A/N: 's over! I'm too happy so I can't, really, you know... My thesis is finalized, I went from Photography to Total Ad Campaign, its so weird. Well, anyway... Uh... There's nothing else to say, actually. But thanks~ :)